Reviews for Persephone's Flight
this wild abyss chapter 7 . 7/23/2010
Coolness. I really think that this story is progressing nicely, at just the right speed. Not to draggy, not too rushed. Just right, as Goldilocks would say. As I said before, Demeter is a very well-written character, any I think Aphrodite was an interesting change of pace as well.
this wild abyss chapter 6 . 7/23/2010
More with Demeter! I really like the way the god(esse)s interact with each other. It's different than the stiff, formal language you might expect, and it was a nice treat. Thanks!
this wild abyss chapter 5 . 7/23/2010
Very nice chapter. I really liked how you got back to Demeter's perspective. It was nice, and I liked her attitude towards the mortals she stayed with. It seemed realistic to her character.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 8 . 7/20/2010
I really enjoyed that chapter - I think the way you're developing the relationship between Persephone and Hades works really well; she's so naive, bless her. And I like how he is kind of guiding her through it. And the addition of Thatanos was done nicely; I like the idea of the twist, and I can't wait to see what he's up to. As for the Fates cackling, I can't imagine anything else suiting them more. Nice work.
Alias Blue chapter 1 . 7/15/2010
Hello, Alias Blue here. :) Let's do this.

First typo I noticed:

“he had desired for a bride for many centuries” - I think it should be 'he had desired a bride for many centuries'.

I really like some of the imagery you use, like “Only two nymphs in the past he had let thaw the ice that seemed to surround his heart.” and “the ache that throbbed in his chest”. That was lovely and poetic.

“Unseen by him, she grew frustrated when her hair...” - That seems a bit odd. Do you mean that she couldn't see him? Because here it sounds like he can't see her.

And I like the oldy-world language, like “grow lovesick” - I adore stuff like that.

I think the repetition of “Oh, he would have her.” was effective, but then in the next paragraph, second sentence you use 'would have her' again, which sort of lessens the impact.

Your characterisation of the different gods is good. You update them, make them relatable and add a bit more life to the characters of Hermes, Hades and Zeus. I think the dialogue helps this, as it's formal, like, “I require your blessing”, but also updated and funny. “Hades? A bride?” - haha, that made me smile, and I like how you opened with dialogue.

"Be creative." - that was a good closing line. Very quotable.

I love the symbolism of that flower. I think it's beautiful. And though I'm not too familiar with it, I think you've done the story justice.

That ending was great as well. Very dramatic and fitting.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 7 . 7/11/2010
One of the things really like about Demeter is how human she is, especially with her emotions and the grief she goes through, as well as the way she kind of clutches at straws in her search for Persephone. Nice work with that. The only thing I'd say is you could maybe describe Mt Olympus a bit more? The thing with using myths as a basis with writing is you can put your own twist on it, and I think it'd be really interesting to see your own version of the home of the Gods.
William G. Thorne chapter 10 . 7/7/2010
wonderful dialogue as always. you make their conversations flow so well, very elegantly yet realistic.

I am also enjoying these twists you seem to add into your stories, such as Thatanos ruining Kore's wonderful mood. haha he ia a work of art.

cant wait to see what you have in store for us next!

-William
esthaelum chapter 10 . 7/5/2010
Hey Avid~

I like how Persephone is acting towards Hades now... She trusts him more now and she's not as shy as she used to be. I am wondering how their relationship is going to end up as... I hope it's not a tragic end where one of them dies or leaves or whatever :'(

You can tell that Persephone misses home... She smelt her linen that smelt of the upper world... :( *sigh* I forgot how perfect Hades can be... He has the ability to charm any woman... Meh, Persephone's damn lucky :P

"I did not know that the God of Sleep could become bored, Hypnos," Hades responded with a chuckle. "Surely you could find something to occupy your time? Taken a nap, perhaps?"

- AHAHA. Hades, you crack me up! :D

THATANOS IS A BASTARD!

I knew that it was becoming too good to be true! Damn it!

Great chapter! I enjoyed it - as usual~
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 6 . 7/4/2010
I really liked the way you described Hecate, and the interaction between the two was done really well; it shows through that they have a lot of respect for each other. The only problem is, Demeter knows Hades has something to do with it because of the flower, right? Then why has she not gone to him to try to find out?
this wild abyss chapter 4 . 7/3/2010
This story is really cute and sweet, and it's a fun and easy read. I'm really enjoying the direction you're taking everything. The pacing might be just a little too fast, but everything else is good. Thank you for writing this.
this wild abyss chapter 3 . 7/3/2010
Aww, this chapter was really cute! I like Hades a lot. The way you write him gives a personality that I've never read before. It's really good.

That being said, I do have a speech to make. Ahem...

I notice that you switched from Kore's thoughts to Hades quite often. It’s what we call ‘head hopping.’ This becomes confusing and somewhat jarring to the reader, especially in this modern age where the trend is to write from a very tight point of view and to remain in a single character’s point of view during a scene. If you are going to switch POV, it would be best to only do it once per scene and to make that change a bit clearer so the reader doesn’t have to pause and figure out who’s head she’s in. (:

End of speech.
this wild abyss chapter 2 . 7/3/2010
Good chapter. I love your writing. It's so smooth and easy to read. Very nice. So, I did think that Demeter's conversation with Zeus bordered on melodramatic, and seemed a bit unrealistic, as did her reaction to finding Kore gone. But that was my only complaint. The way you described the flower was very well done, and I love the way the plot is progressing.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 7/3/2010
I've been meaning to get to this, and here I am...finally.

So, this is a really cool idea for a story. Hades has always been one of my favorite characters from Greek mythology, and I think you've done him justice here. His personality wasn't cruel or harsh, as so many people try to write it. It was realistic and slightly funny.

I also like how you portray Zeus. He's not all uppity or in your face. He's just there, being a good brother. I like that.

In my opinion, you could have added a bit more detail, since this was a little fast-paced, but I love it all the same.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 5 . 7/3/2010
Lovely writing. I liked the portrayal of Demeter with the mortals, and the way she almost made that child an immortal kind of conveyed a sense of unstabilty, I don't know if that was what you were going for but if it was, nice work. Her emotions throughout are fairly clear, especially at the end with her thinking about the mother's love and how she was so upset upon leaving. Again, nice work.
ranDUMM chapter 10 . 7/3/2010
Hey,

Truthfully, the first thing I realised when I started reading, was that you have a great way of describing things in detail, and to perfection - but not too much. You describe the materials and silks perfectly; I can imagine them in my head so easily, I love what I'm reading. It's awesome how you do that, so well done!

I understand what you say about action. You do seem to have a little too much dialogue; I don't think you should fill the gaps with 'he sat down, she smiled, he twitched, she turned' type of writing. It can get quite tedious sometimes. Possibly, a few more descriptions (light ones though) of the room, his posture, how he's saying it etc, would help. Again, not literally, 'the sun is bright, the doves are singing, a beautiful day' etc. I mean, describing the tone of his voice, the atmosphere, the... scenery maybe? But be wary of describing scenery. Unless described well, it can be a bit drone-y. I don't think you'll have that problem however; as I said before, you have a way of describing things without going on and on about it. :)

Your characterisation of Persephone is spot on. I'm serious; she is characterised as the shy, innocent girl that she is, thought it's evident that she's slowly losing that innocence. A great character she is, and you've developed her perfectly. On the same hand, I feel that Hades needs a little more characterisation. He still seems a little... different at times. Like he doesn't have a set character, and you're trying to see which one fits him the best. It isn't bad or even noticeable at all; I only noticed because I noticed about Persephone, so it's nothing to worry about, but I thought I'd throw it in anyway.

The plot thickens! I think that the plot is progressing well, and it was boring or dragging on or anything, but you still got out all of the tiny weeny tidbits of information we need to know.

A great chapter Avid! I'm glad I started to read this story, a wonderful piece of writing :)

ranDUMM

P.S - Just a note before I finish - I know you love returning reviews, and thanks for that :) Would you mind waiting until I upload the next chapter of Letters though?
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