|Reviews for A Robin's Song|
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 6/25/2010
the bold bits were a bit distracting for me, because its not always zeus' words, and teh italics aren't always earth's words? i think your writing is well characterised enough that the reader understands who is who without that.
i love teh idea of teh flight of teh rain being a caress.
"I must save them, for I am certain they are innocent." this sounded a little odd to me, because i don't see her really saying that to herself? she would think the first bit, but seh would just know teh second bit? dunno“And so, she picks the bravest bird to call out before the storm can even be heard./ He hears the bird's song; it soothes his soul./ The melody causes calm, and he soon forgets” I took issue with this bit because before it was said that his wrath was deafening, but tehn here it was saying that the storm can’t yet be heard, so I got a bit confused. I love the image of the birds sweet song soothing the god, but I thought ‘cause calm’ was a choppy way of saying that, when it really ought to be smooth words to convey the image of calm?
I like the idea of the storm being a god so angry he is unturnable, that really fits with what you paint in my imagination, and Earth’s character is really lovely too. Come to think of it, a bird song is often the first thing you notice after a loud storm! Nice work!
| PoetryQueen chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
I really liked this! It had amazing imagery! My only suggestion is to add a couple more lines about the robin changing his mind. What you have is good, but it's kinda sudden. He's furious and vengeful. Then after just one line hes happy. It's a little too sudden. But still excellent piece! The imagery was fantastic!
| Vernelley chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
I fail at poetry, but this was very interesting to read :)
The use of dialogue in poetry is actually pretty good. To me, anyway. I don't know if it's a common thing or not.
I like how you used the concept of robin's song before the storm as a basis for the poem. Very impressive. :)
| Vroooommmmmm chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
awesome poem...nice alternation of bold and normal...good
| Creeping Collarbones chapter 1 . 5/12/2010
I like the imgery and the feeling of the poem. You gave a simple thing like a thunderstorm a nice story.
I think it woul look nicer if added line breaks when there were a few lines of the same person. Like:
I must save them, for I am certain they are innocent."
And so, she picks the bravest bird to call out before the storm can even be heard.
He hears the bird's song; it soothes his soul.
The melody causes calm, and he soon forgets
His anger that was so strong.
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 5/12/2010
Oh wow, this was quite excellent! I really loved it, definitely how you intertwined the dialogue there as well. :). Everything was great, word choice, flow, simply everything. Keep it up!
-B. Cross from the RoadHouse
P.S. Can you please payback via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks! :D