Reviews for Ten Minutes and You'll Be Broken
Narq chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
This is quite interesting and intruging, but I'd reccomend you change this into a poem, because even for a short story, this is too short and you've got some really poetic stuff in there anywas!

"betrayal ripping my heart to shreds" and "leaving raw, jagged emotions." were one of the best!

Cheers!

Narq.
sophiesix chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
oh, i love the descriptions of his eyes throughout this! you did them beautifully. They surely are a window to the soul! its a great hook - a double one, because you want to know why they are in this situation and who/what he is... :D sure hope you go on with it!
Vroooommmmmm chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
this is one of thw awesome prologues i have ever come across on FP...very neatly written...u got a good vocab and descriptive sense..only that this prologue is quite short...but it makes sense and is what a prologue should be...wished it had been a little longer...hope this story of yours gets published...

varun
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
This is a great opening! I've read a lot of stories with short, oh-no-something-evil-is-going-to-kill-me prologues, but this one felt really fresh and not at all recycled.

The descriptions really make this. Even though everything was vague, I could clearly feel the emotions and see what you choose to let your readers see.

[But I was beginning to crack them open, so that they could melt; so they could be human.] Loved this line! The whole paragraph, really, but that one particularly stood out.

The dialogue is interesting. Ten minutes...that's so chilling. The way you repeat it really makes it dark and mysterious. I really want to know what's going on!

This sounds like it's off to a great start. I tend to steer away from supernatural (*cough*Twilight*cough*), but I'm genuinely interested in seeing where this is going. I hope you decide to continue it :)

From Gossip/WRR
MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 5/13/2010
I like this. You have this tendency to make things more interesting, I think. The line "Ten minutes... In ten minutes, you'll wish you'd never associated with me." and its subtle repetition in many forms adds edge to this story...
Goregeous chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
I like this...I'm not into the whole Twilight thing but I like how you tend to leave chapters on edge with so many possibilities. There's still so much left open, even names and whatnot, that I can't wait to learn more :)
BewilderedLoca chapter 1 . 4/25/2010
I love the love/hate theme you used here and the idea in general of a person trying to warm someone else and for once the other person isnt gonna let it happen, which isnt the usual case for some stories on here, good job here )
name redacted chapter 1 . 4/6/2010
Once again, can't wait to see where this is going. It repeats itself a little bit, but overall, it's nicely written. Love the way it starts in the middle of the action, and the contradictory emotions.
GermanSam chapter 1 . 3/27/2010
I like it. It sounds interesting. I hope you make it into something more.