Very interesting concepts you’ve got here! You’ve got excellent narration, one filled with imagery and detail. A few spelling/grammer errors (one drug a body...should be dragged) but the power of your narration is strong enough that it doesn’t distract, great job! I especially enjoy the way you describe the setting and the way the aliens look: you don’t come right out and say it, rather, you describe it subtly when it comes up, which is the best way to keep the flow even and smooth. The imagery is really splendid and paints a great picture, and I gotta say: the title of this chapter is BAD ASS. Seriously, I almost want to draw something for this with the title and chapter in mind. Is there any reason you chose to publish this story in the Supernatural category? It looks like it may be meant more for Sci-Fi, or even Fantasy (which I do consider different from supernatural: fantasy is more about alternate universes and world building, something this story is rich in). Anyway, this story has a great voice and great potential: Keep it up! I’ll read and review when I can!

If you have any time, please check out my story Night Child: Ace’s High!

Write on!

ooh. I like this! You are going to write more.