Reviews for Hailstorm
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 9 . 4/21/2011
The part in the beginning where the fire talks to Taras is absolutely brilliant and scary at the same time. Interesting insight on Meredith's character - I don't like her much but I DID feel sorry for her at that bit in the end. Ruin seems way awesome, anyhow :D Very mysterious, but badass nonetheless!

x mandy
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 8 . 4/21/2011
He waited for an anguish laden moment, and then Hail and Zhanna emerged from a room – the same room. Micah had no time to ponder on that revelation.


Hail and Zhanna romance! I'VE WAITED SO LONG FOR THIS! :D

...yet I can't imagine how Zhan's going to feel when she finds out that the dude she's sleeping with/likes killed her lover. Wonderful. Poor Hail.

'Ruin' is also a really creative name for the phoenix.

Can't wait to find out about Taras in the next chapter!

x mandy, RH
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 7 . 4/19/2011
She drank the shadows, and dreamt in the dust.

-Great opening. Although I've seen this metaphor usage before, your style makes it stand out (in a good way :D)!

I'm think Hail had something to do with Leo's death?

The fury left in the wake of Leo's death would never fade. She was not a forgiving person.

-This bit, if I'm correct in the above assumption, makes the wonder whether Hail plans on telling Zhanna about it.

I'm not a big fan of Senthus, but I'm sure all your readers will feel that! Anyway, fantastic chapter Luke, and way to keep us hanging with the cliffhanger! :D

x mandy
Kobra Kid chapter 21 . 4/13/2011
Oh wow! This was even more intense than last chapter!

Ruin is such a badass. Seriously, whenever I hear her name, I imagine a pale skinned girl surrounded by glowing tendrils of hair spreading like wings behind her. I dunno, just the way I imagine her. ;D Either way, she's definitely ingrained in my mind, as is Hail. I love Hail, and was surprised by how Nemesis said he wasn't any old mortal, which is true. There's not a lot of people in this world anymore that would be as heroic and good-hearted as Hail, and the rest of the rebels as well.

I also really enjoyed how you described the scene where Nemesis plunges Hail into his past, with ribbons of scarlet and violet shattering all around him and such. That would be SO boss if someone made this into a movie and put that into CGI. :O

Oh, and that part where Cronus blew up and fell to the ground in a cloth of reeking flesh? Yeah, that made me almost throw up also. Such a horrible way to die.

Geezus, Nemisis IS pure evil, isn't he? Just the way you described his eyes was eerie and made me tremble. Seriously, kudos to you for striking fears into your readers! A cloak of gray, scaly skin? God, that's freaky. Is he just like this gray human figure with pits of Hell for eyes? That's scary as Hell! 0.0

Anyways, wonderful work! I can't believe this is almost over! D:

Kobra Kid, RH

P.S. I updated RFTA! Please, review? Thanks so much! :DD
Kobra Kid chapter 20 . 4/13/2011
Hey, I'm TERRIBLY sorry for not reviewing this earlier! FictionPress has been screwing me over a lot lately, as in it would send me an error message instead of letting me login for the past week and a half, which is why I haven't been able to review ANYTHING or post on forums. But, I'm back!

Anyways, this had to be one of my favorite chapters. The reasons why? All of the epic character development! Zhanna's back in action, and I can tell she'll still kick ass even with a baby in her womb. Taras and Vetra are at her side, and Micah is searching for his beloved wife. The best part of this whole chapter, however, was Connor and Meredith's scene with Noah. It was really written well, you played the character's thoughts and actions perfectly, and it was truly sadenning. Now, I guess I know the truth behiind the whole twisted government. They manipulate EVERYONE - Hail, Meredith, Noah.

They wouldn't have succumbed to this evil if they'd known the true intentions lying behind it. All of them were like scapegoats, pawns, lab rats. That's a great twist to this epic story that I really loved! :D

Woah, what DOES Ruin mean? This is getting really interesting. So, what happened to the Paragon? Nemesis is controlling him, right? Brought out his darker side in a sense? This is getting so intense, love it! :D

Kobra Kid, RH
I'mTheSummerToYourWinter chapter 1 . 4/11/2011
I really loved this first chapter, your writing is just so gripping. And near the beginning, those short sharp sentences made it feel so dramatic. This story's really got me wanting to read more so I'm going to carry on to the next chapter :)
accountnolongerinusechanged chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
Damn, I wish I could write like you. I was completely hooked throughout the entire chapter from its very first lines to its cliffhanger ending. This was beautifully written without the slightest of grammar mistakes. I am truly lost for words.
Katerzzz chapter 11 . 4/4/2011
Hey! Sorry I need to review some of your stuff The wait for the new piece is just KILLING me! :)


Ruin's a curious character definitely, and Connor is my favorite by far, its not just him as a character, but his story aswell :) Zhanna and Hail are being developed nicely, and the escape scene was good :) Chapter 12 preview sounds cool and I can't wait to read :)

Until next time...


~Could you repay back via The Angel? Has just been updated, I apologise in advance about the formatting, damned FP -.- Anyway, repay back when you are able and I hope everything at Uni is going well :)
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 6 . 4/2/2011
The humor of this chapter was brilliant XD I love hail, he's becoming one of my favorites for sure. But Zhanna is just... I can't believe she slapped him! THRICE! She's an awesome character to read about, cool work with her D

"Zhanna...?" Hail asked with concern. "What's wrong? My flying wasn't that bad was it?"

-Lord, Hail. That's not the best way in the world to comfort someone crying. XD

I loved the italics at the beginning of the chapter, it added to the dramatics of the chapter completely. Wonderful work!

x mandy
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 5 . 4/2/2011
Back for more :)

Action packed chapter for sure! The overall pace of it kept the reader racing and the tone was an urgent one. Can't seem to get enough after this story after reading it again recently, you'll be seeing more from me now!

I liked how you described the escape; your fight scenes are the best part of these chapters.

x mandy
allegro rao chapter 22 . 4/1/2011
Originally I was going to read two chapters this session but after being reminded that after this there was only one more chapter including the epilogue, I decided to savour the last instalments for the next time! That said can't fault you on this one not that I ever had many problems to begin with. Fantastic story and can't believe I only have a couple of chapters left before the story is over and done with.

It was great to see in amongst all the chaos and action occurring (especially that almost cosmic ending in my opinion) a satisfying focus on Micah. I felt we might not have gotten much from him in some chapters but this was great that you managed to in among the hurtle towards the end balanced character development as well. I look forward to the epilogue and final chapters!

-Allegro Rao via the Roadhouse
StoryMonster chapter 1 . 3/31/2011
I loved your beginning, I mean, LOVED IT. It was descriptive, enigmatic, and - wow.

Your descriptions, are amazing and man, are you a writer or what?

I love it, and GREAT START!

thefaultinourpatronus chapter 4 . 3/29/2011
I loved the descriptions. Especially of the ice field, really fantastic work, Luke. Even of really small things like Meredith's room are written extremely well.

We're all going to die, she thought, heart dropping like a stone.

-Maybe add a 'her' before the heart? Just a thought :)

A great chapter, the pace definitely raised my pulse!

x mandy

Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 23 . 3/23/2011
Okay, after this one, I will go bath and I will see if I've still got any more time to hit the epilogue. Anyway, there's actually nothing much I can say here since this chapter was meant to confirm how the whole story has turned out sort of to say. Anyway, I can say that the scenario between Micah and Vetra was really touching. Glad to see a happy ending here albeit being an author, I'm actually toying with the concept of character killing in my future works. -.-

As for Hail and Zhanna, I think I've raised up the subject of creating the latter's POV during her imprisonment. Now that I've seen how thing have turned out here, I'm even more convinced that this is a move that you should have made. It's like seeing a blank page within a pile of manuscripts if you get what I mean.

Anyway, Zhanna's thoughts on Ruin could have been used better via a more in depth look at what has happened between her and Hail much earlier one. I know that Hail only sees Ruin as a benevolent higher authority, but if I was to link that fact to the context of Zhanna's words, I would end up feeling that what she said seemed pretty much forced in terms of your own rendition. It's like somebody killing another person and got convicted, but yet only after he got executed that the public got to know the details. Simply put, the nature of sequence doesn't make sense. It's like inputting details only after the whole thing has concluded. On the first glance, there's nothing wrong. But yet since we're talking about the ending chapter, such an info would definitely be deemed surplus.

Eh I hope you know what I'm talking about here. I sucks at explaining stuff. -.- Anyway, going off to bath now. Maybe will do a review for the epilogue plus one for another friend of mine here. :)
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 22 . 3/23/2011
Heya there. Dunno if you remember me, but ah well. Since I've delayed way too long on this one, might as well try to finish it in one shot. :) Okay, so basically what I'm seeing here is a major show on Micah and Vetra's characters. Truth to be spoken it's really high time you need to do that. But yet on the flip side, I actually felt that these scenarios could have been better used much earlier not as some kind revelation but rather a starting point on their character explorations. This is the only beef I can think up of for now. With that being said though, I feel that you could have tried to include Tara's POV as well here since when we're talking about taking a life, Micah quite obviously wasn't the only one. If done well, you can actually create a contrast of opinions in this subject when it comes to comparing Micah's thoughts with that of Taras.

As for the fight between Nemesis and Ruin, well truth to be spoken I felt that while there's not much of an issue, I actually think that you could have heighten up the atmosphere. Maybe you could have tried to make this battle more drawn out especially in the face of Ruin's waning powers. It's like Nemesis holding the advantage until he just collapsed so as to speak out of nowhere. At the very least, don't try to make the mistake of creating any form of emotional weakness from the characters halfway through the fight if you cannot find a way to actually let the readers have a somewhat clear idea on what is going on in a relevant basis. This is actually a mistake that I've seen people committed especially in the domain of the manga industry. Apart from that, nothing much to say. Onto the next chapter. :)
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