|Reviews for Sanity|
| Narq chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
I can tell you the formatting!
If you have shift and enter, it gives you single spacing and if you have enter (as we do normally) it is doubling spacing. So with a combination we get good formatting! :D
But to be honest, the formatting here made me confused as to when was a new stanza but um, what I think you could improve on was the punctuation. Remember that since this is poetry, you kind of get poetic liscence so you can play around with the punctuation. What you have now feels a bit too restricted. And in poetry, sometimes a new line can serve as the punctuation.
Let's see if I can give you an example:
"White is pure, but/Blinding at times./It shows all your faults and you cannot disguise/Or pretend or protect yourself."
The "Or pretend or protect yourself" is actually unnecessary (I thought so anyways). And your line breaks feel too predictable. So, "White is pure/ but blinding/at times. It shows faults/ you cannot disguse" - that's just me playing around. You see if you do it that ways, you can read it in different directions. it could be"at times it shows faults" or it could be "but blinding at times" because of the new line and the full stop working together, it becomes ambigious! :D (I'm being too clever for my own good here!)
Anyways, hope I made sense,
and hope I helped
| white wolf97 chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
i tried to make the stanzas seperate properly in my poem Stardust, but i couldn't
i really like this. seriously, its like... the definition of night.
everyone says that night is a place for evil, but i don't see it that was. i'm much more active at night for some reason.
chapter 6 of my story The White Wolf is up, if you want to check it out. if you already have, then
thank you thank you thank you so much!
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
From the Roadhouse:
This poem is very emotive and descriptive, and the image it created was poignant and vivid. Thank you for that. The words all flowed together brilliantly, and everything about this was original. I do wish that you would define stanzas into the piece, because on the whole it was rather confusing. But an amazing job, nontheless!
| short circuit chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
Not too dark. At all.
Your overuse of enjambment is unnecessary for some stanzas, and produces an awkward effect when reading. I like the concept behind it, and I can relate to some of it as well, although I almost always prefer grey.
| MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 6/25/2010
I see that you have compared (I cannot put it any other way) - pros and cons? Or maybe different situations in which the colours transcend their boundaries of being colours and more of entities that live in each one of us.
I love both black and white - they are the same sides of a coin, really even though considered opposite.
White shows faults better than anyone eles- which as why I think it is realted to things divine. You cannot 'divine' anything in black, hence white.
Black is overwhelming - it blinds you - as does white. :)
Wow, I am confused by now. :D haha!
Very very nice!
via the Roadhouse
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 6/25/2010
I like how you pick up the 'darker' side of white, not just leaving it at the stereotypically 'pure' i kinda wanted more of the good side of black too, the strength and comfort and protection and stuff, but hey, each to his own! I like how its all kinda ethereal, it takes your imagination on a journey :)
| Charel Lebl chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
Very creative! I love the format and how you set certain words on different lines! This seems like the kind of thing I would write, very unique and mysterious. It really gets the point across, and the descriptions are perfect. Love it!
| cheveux roux chapter 1 . 6/19/2010
Honestly, I don't think it's too dark for a poem. I think it's an interesting take on the cliched perception of black and white (white being good, black being bad). I also like how it made me think about how white isn't always that great, and how seeing things for what they are isn't always the happiest thing. I especially like the rhetorical question at the end - very thought-provoking!
| BrokenDreamsBeautifulLies chapter 1 . 6/12/2010
Wow, just wow.
I love the idea, a poem about the colors black and white. Black really has always been my favorite color ;)
This is my second review on this site, and the first one was on the cigarette poem you wrote, so feel special! :P
| Alice's Pendant chapter 1 . 6/8/2010
You used enjambment quite regularly in this poem. I think its' a little bit too much. I'm pretty sure it'll be better if you'd actually separated the poem into verses.
Its a dark poem, but a good one! Oxymoron creates the stark contrast of thoughts in the mind. Through the colors "Black" and "White", you've successfully explored figurative language. Not to mention, its' really creative!
| Vroooommmmmm chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
well it is great...a little dark yes...but it cannot be compared to any of your other poems...some of the lines are actually short...but since you have noted that you could not get it in stanzas properly...but well it is a nice poem nonetheless...i liked it...but some lines are short..a lil polishing and it will be as great as the rest..
| Robin Leigh chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
A little darker compared to what you usually write, but lovely just the same. I really love the emotions and the symbolism! it reminds me of a friend-slash-former?-crush who writes poetry too. This is the best poem I've seen in a while. :)
| Happy to be Mad chapter 1 . 3/28/2010
Black and white are shades...
I think some of the lines are too short, the excessive short lines make the piece seem too long, and the line length is too inconsistent.
Otherwise it’s a nice piece. Keep writing
| SingViolence chapter 1 . 3/28/2010
I think it's great, and how I feel about life. Thank you for writing