|Reviews for Deceived|
| Scarlet Dawn chapter 2 . 4/17/2010
This was an amazing story. One piece of advice for readers. I suggest you put breaks inbetween so when shifts. Like, I got confused when Adam gets back from touring 'cause it's like the next sentence right after he leaves. Just a hint okay? ;D
Overall, a pleasurable and interesting story.
Oh and er... I loved how her mum got beat D
~ Love Fia
| Wind's Whisper chapter 2 . 4/12/2010
So I just wanted to say that I could only get to around half way through the second chapter/epilogue before I had to review.
Firstly, your characters are one dimensional. I despised Adam and I despised Leah (had to look it up, she didn't make much of an impression). Adam is a sanctimonious dickhead and Leah is full of herself and comes off as a prude who is bitter and cruel. Leah is an inspid child who cannot fill her own mind. Instead, she allows Adam to think for her, blindly nodding at the correct moment.
Secondly. You cannot make Adam a character who has a holier-than-thou attitude whilst spouting pseudophilosphy with typos and grammatical errors. When he calls 'whores' tools, you use 'their' instead of 'they're'.
On the same subject; Leah gives in. If you're going to accuse her of being a whore, make her act in a promiscuous way. We don't really see that to the full extent. To have her fall out suddenly and 'reinvent' herself after one letter from her father (which isn't particularly inspiring, mind) and a conversation with Adam is a bit sudden and far too abrupt. Ease the reader into this new mindset. Set the scene, and allow gradual changes.
This story has potential, but it does need a lot of work.
| Paws4Suze chapter 2 . 4/3/2010
Oh my pickles! That was such a cool epilogue! Thank you for writing the epiilogue! It makes my heart all warm and fuzy when I think about Myra, Adam, and Leah. Just one big happy family! Uhm... I really have nothing to critisize right now, thanks for changing the rating! Oh, and I love your other works! They're awsome!
| Paws4Suze chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
E! This story was simply amazing, I feel so happy coming across this.
I would feel so happy if you made an epilogue or something to go with this, just to check up on Myra and Adam, and see how they're doing.
A question though, did Myra win the court case?
Uhm... I would also suggest changing the rating to something slightly more suitable for sdults or something. You know, that scene where they do it.
Other than that, great job! And I'll definatly read some of your other completed works.
-Kitty Obsessive Disorder-