|Reviews for Who's Man, Woman?|
| lipleaf chapter 1 . 4/18/2010
Alright. First off, I know pretty much everyone else who reviewed has said this, but I have to mention that the form is wonderful. FP is such an ass about formatting- the fact that you could whip this thing into submission is amazing. And it emphasizes the theme of femininity in the poem.
The imagery you have here is raw and powerful and very in-your-face, if you get what I mean. Many of the phrases struck he hard, like "yellow lust" and "rotten radiance." They conjure up very vivid images.
Something that bothered me was the flow. Sometimes the sentences don't quite seem to line up. Some parts feel out of place or abrupt or just random, kind of like you lost your original train of thought and so you grasped at another one. It's difficult to explain, exactly. It just feels stunted and disjointed is certain places. Ragged, almost.
| Dante's Disciple chapter 1 . 4/10/2010
This is a very interesting piece.
First i'll address the layout. It is just remarkable how this is all worded so well into such a clever shape that perfectly reflects the subject matter. I've tried this but failed miserably. So well done on that.
The description is clever, going from erotic to disgusting, catching both sides of an edgy profession well. You make her seem both proud but underlyingly shameful at the same time, which I imagine is how such a woman would feel.
I have to say, magic/disco stick made me smile a bit, I've never heard it described as such before :)
Amazing work, I'll be sure to take a look at some of your other work soon!
| Isca chapter 1 . 4/7/2010
[RG: Poems: Depth]
First of all, ohmygod, the FORM of this poem is just phenomenal; you know I'm a fan of form-pieces. I like that the hour-glass shape correlates perfectly with the raw nature of femininity - it looks like a corset to me (which is: ftw). I also like that the bolded words sort of tell a story by themselves: ugly mind / get off.
I ENJOYED this piece very much. I'm all about the raw angst, so obviously, you had me from the get-go. Near the end, when you used the word "pillage," I just about stopped breathing! Suddenly, the sex turned from something raunchy into something violent - that's intriguing. Other favourite parts were: "And she'll watch you" & "She is the glorified one dressed in fishnet and white" because they're both captivating lines - the tone is perfect.
In terms of WORD CHOICE, I particularly liked that you used the word "shrivel" to explain the man's limp penis; it reminded me of a fig, for some reason, which is fitting. I also like that you compared "smoking hot" to "burning alive" - as if the woman was a fire nymph or just a silly cigarette ash.
The TONE of the line, "Convince your heart that this is what you wanted," is both angsty and striking. I also love the sarcasm behind: "Oil 'er up" - as if the woman was just a car that needed an oil change or an exotic dancer lathering up before the big show. How vivid.
| Zombiesaurus Rex chapter 1 . 4/3/2010
This was absolutely brilliant.
I love that you related the shape of the poem to the theme. Concrete poetry like that is always hard, and you've got something special here. I also loved how you used fragments to build towards the climax of the poem.
The imagery was brutal. Loved it, by the way; all the bolded words hit like a punch in comparison, and the rest of the imagery was really vivid. Forgive my male point of view here, but I felt like you hit on a lot of issues that women get shoved at them by society (and which men mostly escape). Sexuality was top of the list there, of course.
I think the starkness of the images here was well played. Gives the reader a strong sense of how nasty a lot of those issues can be.
Oh, before I forget: I caught a reference to Aphrodite in, "And she'll watch you, eyes on the bedroom, as she rises from the sea foam." Not sure if it's intentional, but if so it was really well placed. Perfect place to make that kind of allusion.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 4/3/2010
Holy crap Dee-the format of this blows my mind. All I've done so far is read the opening quote (which is excellent by the way) and stared at the format, XD. Eye-catching-I didn't even think you could do something like this with FP, I know it's just centering and such but wow-really, really looking forward to it, it looks like it was a real challenge.
...and yes, favoriting this, XD. I'm so glad that I've found someone who loves to experiment as much as I do regarding poetry/prose ect. The beginning was excellent, the bold words stuck out-the description "magic/disco stick" was almost creatively cruel! The whole thing was excellent, the descriptions that you start out with regarding the sweat, to the end with the "lingering stench". Everything fits perfectly together and I like the mix of both poetry and prose with it because I think it would fit into either one-plus visually, again, it blows my mind!
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 4/3/2010
This is a really interesting piece, and I enjoyed your perspective on your subject.
First off I really liked your ‘shape’ for the poem, putting it in the shape of a woman’s body (a rather healthy woman‘s body) is very empowering. It lets the reader know and understand that this is about HER. It may seem a times that it’s about the ‘him’ aspect, but in terms of the poem, and maybe perhaps not so much in life, she is in charge.
I also really liked the character development in this. At the beginning it seems that she is very hardcore, and edgy, she enjoys the sexual experience but at the same time I didn’t feel that she was controlled by it. More so rather, that she was controlling the situation, even though there was another party present. Later on when you mention that she didn’t shave that week it made me think of a bit of a weakness -which I thought enhanced her. It deflected from the earlier image of her in control, making it so that she was - in her own way- trying to please this man by her appearance. Which also goes in with the fact of women - even subconsciously - trying to please men. I also really liked the ending line: Fishnets and white. It showcases both the points which I just mentioned and makes the piece come full circle. The fishnet is the darker side that she shows to the world, the white - for me anyway - signifies the under layers of her personality, the clean, calm and cool thought that she needed to shave her legs. Nice work.
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
What could have turned out to such garish prose is rendered heartbreakingly esoteric thanks to your wonderful writing. It's the perfect balance of abstract and clarity. Well done!
| yourKonstantine chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
sorry, had to point that out.
i usually think these picture-poem things (is there a proper name for them?) sacrifice content for form, but i like that yours continues. of course, i am biased. (:
your diction is lovely-orchestra, ungodly, harlot, compassion, very nice.
as always, i love it.