Reviews for Driftwood
Advocate's Devil chapter 1 . 11/14/2010
the phrasing was weird, but it added to the mood. this one I think I kan say I loved reading, even though it's just as relateable as Wishbones. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but on some level it does to me.
HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 4/8/2010
This made me cry. There was one emotion I fixed on here, and it seemed to really relate to me. It's an emotion I don't usually like to think about because it's so painful, and you managed to fit everything into this poem, including the pain and the comfort.

I usually get put off by a lack of capital letters and seemingly random punctuation, but here it really worked. And I mean it REALLY worked. There were pauses in just the right places, the general flow was excellent, and the overal poem worked. :)

The only problem I can find, as I feel I have to try and find something wrong or it's not concrit, is that I would have added another few words into the last line, to get the flow to fit in with the flow you'd used in the poem before.

I would have changed it to this:

"and when i come upon

a piece of driftwood on the shore,

i will cast it into the sea

and know, that i have set you


I have changed the the 'pile' to 'piece' because it seems to link better with throwing it into the sea that follows.

I like having a pause in the last line, as it builds the suspense, which is why I have placed a comma after 'know'.

I also think that the 'i have' flows better, but it's just my opinion.

Another wonderful poem, and I hope to read more soon. *hint hint* ;)
K.G. Coleman chapter 1 . 4/3/2010
Very nice poem. First question: Capitalization? I know that a lot of writers now don't do it because they think it looks snazzy but it really just looks undone, and sometimes even sloppy. For example, writing lowercase I's really bugs me for some reason...

Now besides that that poem was great. I really liked your sort of "thesis" to the poem: "did they ever shine so bright..." It's sort of like the question "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, did it make a sound?" The descriptions in this poem also made it very clear in my mind what was happening. When she "walk{s} through it, and it falls into matchsticks behind..." that is a scene that I can see like a movie in my head (it's in super slow motion in mine, how about yours?)

Anyways, it's a wonderful poem! I don't have any poems AS good, but I'd appreciate a R/R. Keep up the good work!