|Reviews for Freaks of nature|
| Lomesa chapter 4 . 5/19/2010
Nice weird beaked, pawed bird thing. Poor birdie, those strange humans invading his underground( It is underground/underschool right?) home. (sniff)(sniff) On with the questions:
a) Why did they give up so easily on trying to reopen the trap door? They could have looked for an old school table or something to stand on to get it open.
b) Is it very smart to start fire in a room where there are no windows? Yes it might feel comfy for a few minutes but then the smoke will start to build up in the room and it will get hard to breathe after a while. Won't it?
What should happen next:
a) Chester and Valery MUST get a personality.
b) Make Lionel get seperated from the group and meet up with the birdie thingy. Make the birdie thingy something good, but weird and occasionaly scary. Give him a family or something. Get another weird creature to make evil and let it be the birdies' enemy. Let Lionel be interested by the birdie maybe and make friends. Let him meet up with the group after a while and let them be like, "Let's tell everyone about this when we get out! These monsters have to be destroyed" Cause they have no idea about the birdie thingie. Then Lionel goes "No, the birdie really isn't that bad, he just wants to be left alone..." and they are like "But those things are dangerous." Then they find a way out of the place and Lionel has a good time trying to prevent the others from tattling about the corridor.
Bleh. Wrote that last piece in about five minutes. Cliche, I know, but maybe it can give you a vague kind of direction to go with this story. At least it's something, I hope. I tried to answer your question...
| Lomesa chapter 3 . 5/19/2010
Oh... Interesting an underground greenhouse thingy. Connor is a coward and lame and fat. Save him! Two questions:
a) How do the plants grow without sunlight? Sorry if I missed something you said about lights somewhere and that question sounded really stupid right now.
b) If Lionel is a boy who spends a lot of time in front of computers would it be possible for him to catch a 14 jear old? Bam just like that? Her weight with the added momentum of the fall... I dunno I haven't really seen a grade 8 catching someone like that before...
Like the cliffhangers. Wonder what on earth the creatures can be. First time I see you write something supernaturalish. Interesting.
| Lomesa chapter 2 . 5/19/2010
Hehe. Fun, fun. All right where should I start. Sounds promising. Hmm? A room miffed? Dink jy aan gemuf? Excuse me if I'm wrong but if you're miffed you're kinda insulted and disgruntled. Then Chester... I've read about too many typical lame fat kids... too many... Please oh please develop him into someone less typical as the story progresses. And Valery, Valey. No one realistic is that arrogant and so 'poppierig'. Even the worst one in my class in far from Valery... She just isn't believable. Oh, and also I thought Lionel was a girl for a bit, until I found out his name... He reminded me a little about you. Sorry, this review is a little negative I'm afraid, but if this is what I think it is the storyline must be great! I hope you can use what I told you to improve the story as it continues...
| Lomesa chapter 1 . 5/19/2010
Awesome prologue. A real attention grabber.
| Devilgirl101 chapter 2 . 4/14/2010
Old tuna sandwich, hm. . . Not! And he screamed, what a girl ;)(He he) Sounds interesting so far. Gonna read the next one now.
| DevilGirl chapter 1 . 4/14/2010
Well done my friend! I gave you a review! Now we are even! Dit klink eintlik nice...ON TO THE NEXT!
| HeroofEnelios chapter 4 . 4/8/2010
This chapter wasn't bad even if it wasn't really long. There was nice conversation and detail in here, so keep on writing this, it's really good!
| HeroofEnelios chapter 3 . 4/7/2010
Whether or not it was too short is not for me to say, other than than this story is good, and you should really keep writing!
| HeroofEnelios chapter 2 . 4/7/2010
Oh, what did Lionel see? Curious as I am, that is a good reason for me to keep reading. This chapter was a good read, and look forward to more!
| HeroofEnelios chapter 1 . 4/7/2010
I do say, that this prologue has gotten my attention, quite quickly, so a fine job in that. I look forward to more of this, so good prologue to say the least.
| Ichiko Wind Gryphon chapter 3 . 4/5/2010
Another good chapter. A bit fast, yes, but not terribly so. Details are nice and concrete, although it did leave a little room for confusion. But otherwise a decent chapter all around.
| Ichiko Wind Gryphon chapter 2 . 4/4/2010
Hm, sounds interesting. I look forward to more.