Reviews for Crimson Covenant
Plartus chapter 3 . 3/20/2011
A very good start, I would love to see where this story goes :)
delicate-death chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
1) I loved the stories so far it pull the audience in to the story.

However, I'm not claiming to be an expert I feel as a reader that Iknow it's a dark room or area but I don't feel the characters termoil. I wan't to experience her heart racing the stink of the room the sweat trickling down the center of her back.

Suggestions: Grouping one, sentence Four after the question mark the isn't capatilized.

In grouping nine, sentence third 'she mused,'It might be better to day 'she mused, her hot breath brushing against my ear (Description.)'

Grouping eleven, sentence two. 'After only a moment's pause, pressure was applied to it,frocing it down through my chest with one swift move.' It sounds forced you might want to consider a rewrite.

But other than that I really find the story interging.
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Averick chapter 1 . 5/13/2010
I found this very enjoyable and intense. It has a certain, energetic feel to it that feels great. Excellent job!
MeAsIAm chapter 3 . 5/1/2010
the early morning moonlight - this sounds forced...try replacing 'early morning'

One more thing, you can skip mentioning the colour in the first chapter altogether to increase the dramatic potential, but that is entirely up to you.

with Scarlet and the slain Jim Talles - you could have used an adjective for Scarlet as well so as to give some idea about her 'nature' - apart from consuming the souls of the dead, anyway.

This does not adhere to the tense you have used in the paragraph : the thought will unsettle me..

You can change it to 'the thought unsettle me once in a while' if you mean that the thought will continue to unsettle him as it has been doing in the past. Or you can change the tense completely to past so that it is in sync with the rest of the paragraph.

Wow, overall it was a great read. The description, though concise give the outlook of the narrator.

Update soon!

via the roadhouse
MeAsIAm chapter 2 . 5/1/2010
Another interesting chapter. It keeps up with the suspense in the prologue.

Now there are some things that confuse me : What was the dead man doing in Nathan's house? Or the other way, I think is more correct - What was Nathan doing in the dead man's house?

Obviously, I think Nathan has killed Jim for Scarlet. Well I assume that she is the one, because of the use of terms like 'me angel' etc which were used in both, the first chapter and the prologue.

Now, you could add more to the paragraph where he asks about the taste of the soul. The paragraph gives you a perfect opportunity to drop tantalising hints about what he has been up to. You have utilized it - but not to the extent you could have.

times as I've told her I hated - should be '..I had told..'

Other than that, the chapter was very well written. You cunningly got in Scarlet's physical appearance without making it seem obvious and Nathan's narrative to had the strength and the showed the complexities of his character.

Good job.
MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 5/1/2010
Intriguing prologue. It works wonderfully and actually makes you wonder. I cannot comment much as it is rather concise, but I think it does work the way a prologue is required to. Moving on!

via the roadhouse
Kobra Kid chapter 3 . 4/30/2010
Wow, I wonder what they're going to do with the mutilated pedophile. (Pedophiles are disgusting, btw haha) But this is very intruiging. Who is this Kira girl? What deal did Nathan make with Scarlet? Who is Scarlet? A lot of questions that make you want to read more! Good job on this. :).

-B. Cross from the RH

P.S. If you don't mind, could you please payback these 3 reviews via 'Rise From The Ashes'? Thank you SO much! :D.
Kobra Kid chapter 2 . 4/30/2010
Oh wow, what's going on here? I'm guessing Scarlet is some kind of demon, and that Nathan made a deal with her. Very compelling. :]. All I noticed were a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but besides that good job. Onto the next chapter!

-B. Cross from the RH
Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 4/30/2010
Wow. Very compelling prologue. :). I like how it's ominous & mysterious! Keep it up!

-B. Cross from the RH

P.S. If you don't mind, could you repay via RFTA? Thanks!
L. Alexander chapter 2 . 4/18/2010
I am interested to see where this heads!

I like the idea so far and cant wait to find out what happens next :)