|Reviews for Notice me|
| Krimsyn chapter 20 . 1/18
Very sweet story, I really enjoyed it :) I really like that all the main characters got a happy ending! The lemon scene was pretty decent-thank you for writing it ;)
| Guest chapter 20 . 2/12/2013
The story was good, I just got a little confused when the POV's changed. Also the story happened so fast, there wasn't really enough time to fully grasp everything. Over all pretty good, just take things slow next time
| sapere chapter 20 . 11/25/2012
I really enjoyed this story. I loved how protective brian is.. Thanks for posting :)
| Oritreesan chapter 20 . 12/3/2010
You have a lot of general plot and I know you realise where you want to go. It's good but I wish there was just a tad more depth, it seems a bit rushed but a good start :)
| SuperJoe chapter 19 . 6/10/2010
Great chapter. Funny end )
| Esmeralda Swan chapter 6 . 6/7/2010
you should pair Jayton up with a really shy 5'2 indian girl. Complete opposite of him. :) i love the story thus far!
| SuperJoe chapter 18 . 6/6/2010
Did anyone said lemon for the next chapter? xD I would have to say "yes, yes, yes" :P
| SuperJoe chapter 8 . 4/25/2010
Poor Cayden... In my opinion, the different POVs give variety to the story.
| Raiya-shi chapter 7 . 4/22/2010
Thanks for the update! Sorry I wasn't much help with the Jayton's sexuality thing .
| Raiya-shi chapter 6 . 4/14/2010
Okay, so... here's the world NO! Do not get distracted! Sorry I was going to say 'Okay so blah blah blah review blah' and you know that little internet video with the... never mind not important and off topic SORRY!
So, Cayden isn't the most grammatically correct speaker, any particular reason for this? (can see cute little scenes with Brian correcting it or teasing him about it)I think Jayton should have a significant other, though I don't know if He would be gay bi or straight so... That's up to you, just don't fall into a habit of making all the couples in the story gay (I see that a lot, and in reality that wouldn't be the case).
Another thing I see a lot of in Abuse stories is over explaining and immediate understanding, which also isn't always the case... Also, most abused people tend to be more hesitant about telling people details, plus, most tend to blame themselves for what's happening to them,and that they deserve it also they tend to find it hard to trust others (Brian earned a certain amount of trust by being the one who saved him [though probably not complete trust])... and blah blah blah. Well anyways the reason I brought this up was the scene towards the end:
"By the way, why do you seem so opposed to when others spend money on you?"
"My-my father.. He s-said I wasn't worth spending money on… And all his friends said the same thing, so then it has to be true, don't it?"
Brian sighed, and stood up to hug him. He was shaking slightly.
"I don't think so, and I'll try my hardest to make you understand that. I'll also get Jayton on that case, and you'll be walking with us at school."
I found it unrealistic in that he was so open and seemingly scared but not so much reluctant about the information and giving it to Brian
So maybe add that he hesitated before answering and instead of explain about the father and friends just have him say in a small voice (something like)'I-I'm not worth it.' that way you don't get overtly detailed information which uncharacteristic for an abuse victim, it delivers a similar message. Brian would probably be sensitive enough not to ask for details for now but later press for them when he thinks Cayden is ready. Which is another thing
Brian would probably feel awkward or afraid to press for certain details unless he thinks it's necessary to know, or that Cayden needs to speak about them. Or sometimes his bad judgment will get in the way and probably conflict with Cayden's nature or Cayden will feel pressured to give , or just feel it's okay to tell him...
Basically, I'm sorry about the constructive criticism, I generally avoid it even when I think I should, but I really wanted the story to remain amazing, plus I like being helpful. Though I hate giving con crit cause I feel horrible after it (even though I'm trying to be nice and helpful I end up feeling like a buttmunch).
So on another note, this is probably the longest review I've ever written and I still enjoyed reading your story and I hope you'll take my advice to heart, but you don't have to you can ignore it! Or, spin it a different way than how I put it and etc. I hope you don't hate me after reading this whole thing...
BLAH BRAIN AND CAYDEN ARE ADORABLE TOGETHER!
I feel better now D Can't wait to read more! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE UPDATE!
| Esquirella chapter 6 . 4/13/2010
This is ust my opinion, but I think you should eventually pair Jayton up with a guy. (LOL! My readers don't call me the queen of slash for nothing!)
| Raiya-shi chapter 3 . 4/10/2010
Thanks for the story up this far and the update! Also, are you using open office (it's a free download btw and safe) or something like word pad? cause sometimes the formatting seems slightly off in that in mid sentence it will go to a new line (but also has a blank line in between (it's happened in all chapters at least once) if you want an example because I suck at explaining things look at your last chapter at the very last part starting at "Cayden nodded, and let his eyes slip close." or is it on purpose? Well, anyways love the story can't wait to read more! D
| Esquirella chapter 3 . 4/8/2010
I like the story so far!
| Crystalline92 chapter 1 . 4/6/2010
Yeah, I think so, too... I'll probably go with 3rd person from the next chapter.
And yes, the past will come later. I just wanted to keep something for when he explained to someone. It wouldn't have been so exiting if everything was revealed in the beginning :P
| Neko-mimi chapter 1 . 4/6/2010
But I do think that writing in I-person will get very tiresome in the end xD
But yeah, a good beginning, though I would like to know more about what happened in his past, maybe you will tell us later?