Reviews for Corsetry
Isca chapter 10 . 6/23/2010
I like the sensuality here. "I bite into her black apple" is particularly striking. ;)
simpleplan13 chapter 4 . 6/18/2010
I like the a/n because without it I would have been so lost. I also like how this piece reveals a little bit more of the other person and how they respond to what's going on. It helps the reader unsterstand the dynamic a bit more. The only thing is it seemed like a sharp contrast from the other pieces in this collection for the narrator. From submissive to very quickly.
simpleplan13 chapter 3 . 6/18/2010
"spicy scent of your colongue"... cologne

"The rope digs into my wrists and only cool darkness for my eyes"... connecting those two sentences with an and seemed odd. I think a semi-colon would be better since the thoughts aren't so much connected.

"A shap gasp escapes"... sharp

Once again I like how this collection is all flowing together. I think you would be better italicized, but I do like the emphasis on that particular word. Your descriptions are well done, especially that similie in the last line.
simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 6/18/2010
"knowing that I just one lash from your belt will send me flying through the night."... I'm not sure why you have I just in this sentence...

I like how you start it with soft leather cuffs. It definitely sets the reader for you enjoying the torture. I also like how it contrasts how you describe the rest of it. The part about wanting the pain after they leave was really powerful as well. Not a big fan of the underlining though...

I also like how this one fits in with the piece beore it. Nicely done.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 6/18/2010
"The power of restriction, and the encasing of my fragile ribs like spider legs-one snap and Iwould die."... you missed a space between I and would. Also, this is not a complete sentence.

I think I've said this before, but I'm not a big fan of Reaper. I get that for you it represents someone, but when others read it I just think of the Grim Reaper. I think jsut saying "Do you dare unlace me?" would make it more relateable and less confusing for most readers, but that's just me...

Anyway, I like the piece. The descriptions are really powerful and I loved that ending. It was unexpected and well done. Nice use of italics too.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon links in my profile.
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 10 . 5/19/2010
Great description! :)
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 9 . 5/19/2010
Great description!
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 8 . 5/19/2010
Great description!
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 7 . 5/19/2010
"You would have let her take your virginity in the backseat of her car, even if she would have been alot older; even if you would have had to lie abour your age." - Love it!
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 6 . 5/19/2010
Great description!
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 5 . 5/19/2010
Love this! Describes me a lot!
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 4 . 5/19/2010
Great description!
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 3 . 5/19/2010
Great description!
Isca chapter 7 . 5/2/2010
"You were a sixteen-year-old Amazon." YES!

I love that you bolded the word "severed." Guess who I thought of? :P

"God bless teenage rebellion." Mosh on! :P
Isca chapter 5 . 4/27/2010
"You are a virgin. You are a slut." This really "clicked" with me. I totally understand what you mean. How you can feel like you're still innocent, but technically, your innocence is gone.

"I like my nerves raw and snapping." It's the only way.

"They couldn't take this power from me, because it is mine." Powerful. And they can't take your integrity away from you. They can sure as hell try, but you're stronger than them.
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