Reviews for Jonathon
Air Rey chapter 1 . 7/26/2010
The lines are very short. For me, that helped your poem a lot. Focusing on emotions and feelings basically stripped your poem bare from unnecessary details that could leave your poem vague.

Your could perhaps add depth to this poem. You have touched a nerve with your claims and words, yet you haven't capitalize on that. Like what others are saying, it's too generic. Be more specific and personal to connect with your audience better.

Still, the poem is good. It just needs more depth, but all in all, it's a good read. Hope to read more of your works. :)
JonathanSmells chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
jonathan :)
RavenclawMoose chapter 1 . 5/12/2010
You definitely captured the feelings of a large percentage of the female population with the poem, which is good. I would like to offer a bit of criticism, however: I was not really drawn into this poem. You captured the feelings of many women everywhere, but in a somewhat generic manner. Try infusing more of yourself into the poem, if that makes sense. Think of specific instances rather than generic phrases, and it might make your poem better.

As a side note, your review from the review game (easy fix) did not fit the requirements for easy fix. I reviewed your poem anyway because I've recently decided to be more proactive about reviewing, but you should read the guidelines next time before you review for the review game. They can be fairly strict sometimes.

RM
Backseat Benediction chapter 1 . 4/26/2010
this was a fantastic piece. I loved how your words flowed and the depth and meaning of each one.

"So this is what I think,

oxymoronic or not,

you are an ass—

a perfect ass

that I

cannot help but love…

So help me God,

because nobody else can."

love those lines. keep up the good work!

-HtS
Isca chapter 1 . 4/20/2010
[RG: Poems: EF]

"You are quiet and shy, but somehow engaged in life." I like this character description because it illustrates this man's enigmatic nature.

"I admire your athleticism and wonder how that would translate into 'other activities.'" Ahaha. What a naughty line. I like the honest tone here-the speaker is obviously intrigued and finds this man quite sexually arousing.

"You are an ass." Interesting. I like the word-play here: 'ass' as is 'idiot' or 'ass' as in 'a piece of ass.'

I didn't really like the format of this poem, though. The spacing seemed a bit strange. Perhaps stanzas would work better.
lipleaf chapter 1 . 4/17/2010
I like the humor you have here. It's woven in well and gives the speaker a distinct voice. It feels like it belongs here. I think in some places you could have used a little more detail, if only because it seemed a bit dull and lackluster.
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 4/15/2010
I really love the tone of this. It's so conversational, like it could almost be read as a conversation, yet it has a clear poeticalness to it. That being said, this wouldn't be hurt with a little spicing up, but it does work well as it is.

I also like how broad a view this gives of "Jonathan." It discusses everything from his thoughts, feelings, actions, and sex appeal. It really shows how in love this person is without having to use overly descriptive words.

Love the ending. It's just so perfect, haha.

Very nice read!
Cole Culain chapter 1 . 4/15/2010
Nice. I like it

Your line breaks are very interesting. You seem to cut them at odd intervals and make it seem like a stream of thought. Good idea

I also like the way you discribed 'Jonathon'. YOu could really see the kind of person he was and what you saw in him.
deefective chapter 1 . 4/10/2010
Haha, I really liked the light and romantice tone throughout this piece. It lended a that happy-lovey dovey feel to this but not in a way that made me want to roll my eyes. I'm glad you didn't go into great detail about every other thing that the narrator loved about this guy. Short and sweet was the best way to go or else it would've been too heavy and therefore boring. The ending was very clever and witty, I must say. You employed some good wordplay throughout as well. I liked the sexual innuendo you mentioned, also. It added to the lighhearted feel of this. Overall, I really liked the fact that this was believable. Writing about love or "love" is tricky because it can often come across as fake or kind of stupid but this piece is just the opposite. Nicely done.