Reviews for Cantaloupe
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
"cloths until there was nothing between"... did you mean clothes? As in clothing?

The punctuation is kinda all over the place for me, but I know that's not your strong suit and the piece is still awesome... lol.

I like this because it's such a slice of life and it's also really sweet and loving without any angst. Very unusual for your pieces. A nice change for me. I also liked the comment about being green it was a cute line. The whole part about remembering every little but was great.

"nothing between/us, save the knife we used to break that/cantaloupe skin, or carve out chunks to be fingered"... I like the idea of nothing between you but the knife, but the or here is confusing. I think it should be and because it's an additional thing the knife carved not another thing that's between you.

Anyway, nice job as always and Review Marathon this weekend! (link in my profile)
Isca chapter 1 . 4/29/2010
"Like people with nowhere to go." Good. This line is so impactful that the reader almost forgets that it's a simile. That takes talent. :)

"The dappled skin." Beautiful.

"The way you smiled slightly when you noticed how I noticed every single god-given movement." I love this line. My God, I love it. It's so utterly breathtaking and palpable. :)

"Rearranged our cloths until there was nothing between us." Well, I'll be damned. That has to be one of the most sensual "kitchen" moments I've ever read about.

You're an excellent writer, Juliet. Keep up the good work.
Elenive chapter 1 . 4/21/2010
your writing astounds me. I literally gasped aloud upon finishing this. there was such buildup and I feel like I was suddenly tossed over a cliff and all I could do was whisper "wow."

I have always been impressed with how well you write, and I am sincerely glad I came back after a three year absence in writing, just so I could be inspired by pieces like this again.
Julius Julius chapter 1 . 4/15/2010
Well this was a very opulent poem to my senses. I was ruminating that I record things in my mind by a vivid sense of smell. It's vivid because I translate smells into memories, or rather I smell something that reminds me of that precious memory. Isn't it sad then that we don't have a word to describe this concept of remembering things by smell? Sadder still that our vocabulary for this subtle scent is incredibly small.

I feel like this person is told by the senses especially... we have 'sense-memory' written about here, cantaloupe skin which reminds me of taste, sweet-salt which sounds oxymoronic in my mind, and more grocery bag and cantaloupe imagery. All this description is absolutely conducive to your strong intimacy with this person which is very very moving.

I just noticed I was reviewing this poem from the waist down and now I'm moving up.

'and no need to worry

about how much cash we had'

Interesting, I generally think of it as 'have'. But if you make it past tense, it's more serious isn't it? Thinking about how much money you have now could be a grievance, but if you're out to shop or whatever I guess you don't think about it as soundly as when it's gone. When something is gone you weigh your options more. Actually it's that whole 'what if' thing isn't it? I'd say the paradox of choice is what keeps me from buying anything in the first place, and my monkey mind springs into action even before I part from my money. So I guess it works both ways.

lol.

The first stanza is on a league of its own. I'm still trying to figure out what gentile American folklore feels like, what is, what it means. I don't think I've read this before, or thought of it much at all thusly. It sounds different, and not American but slightly European actually. I don't know. And 'like people with nowhere to go'. Well this explains the last sentence I guess, and all I can say is that not all who wander are lost and maybe there's freedom in the innocence of doing nothing.

That's such a foreign concept to most people.

I really care about this poem, it has a sort of melancholic pride to it.

Well conceived Juliet, and thanks for your review it was touching. I never really noticed the many layered cultural references until you told me to be honest. The fact is I was writing about a girl who is Bhutanese. That might explain it? I just wrote about her matter-of-factly without thinking an outsider could look at her culture as poetry or poetic too.

All the best my friend.