|Reviews for Diary of a minion|
| Serendipital chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
Wow. I love this. It's so awesome! I wish that you would have updated in the last month...are you ever going to update it again? Anyway, I'm going to read the next chapter now.
| puzzling-over-nothing chapter 10 . 8/2/2010
me did not spot any mistakes... it was all done properly. Except its all in five blocks of writing which makes it a bit hard to read.
But I like where this is going. update! :)
| puzzling-over-nothing chapter 8 . 7/20/2010
... cavarlry in a valley? like the charge of the light brigade? yeah that was stupid.
and a few mistakes again (like I say a misty not Misty) but apart from that its still good.
| puzzling-over-nothing chapter 7 . 6/29/2010
dont you think your chapters should be longer?
theres spelling and grammar mistakes. But not as many as in the first chapter.
This is turning out to be quite good. update.
and go a little slower.
| puzzling-over-nothing chapter 3 . 6/29/2010
She likes the horse?
wow thats weird...
| puzzling-over-nothing chapter 1 . 6/29/2010
I have seen a LOT of grammar/spelling mistakes. you might want to fix them...
| merwi chapter 6 . 5/16/2010
This is really enjoyable and well written. I noticed one of the other reviews critted your beginning as a whingy complainer - actually, I think it is good characterisation, and you are developing a well rounded antihero. The horse is a great touch. The villains need a bit of work eventually - they are quite one dimensional at present.
You do need to work on the grammar, spelling and typos, and please stop saying "two twins" - it's redundant - if there were three of them they'd be triplets!
Some of what you are doing is a bit stereotyped, but no problem with that - it definitely wouldn't stop you getting published.
Looking forward to the next instalment.
| The lone canine chapter 5 . 5/9/2010
A great update for this story. I'm glad to read this story, it's good. I look forward to your next chapter, so update soon!
| Bickazer chapter 2 . 5/8/2010
The description at the end is a bit confusing-I had trouble figurig out how many people there were or if the overlord was even there. Is the overlord the same as the evil king? Don't understand the bit about how there never was a king, if they're all answerable to one person. Shouldn't that person be the king? Oh well, I do read quickly so maybe I missed something, and maybe future chapters will explain better.
Other than that, I like this chapter. Nice, everything's moving fast and the action was well done. Love Misty's random incidents of heroism.
I'm really liking the MC's voice. He has a strong personality and it really shines.
| Bickazer chapter 1 . 5/8/2010
Aw, I like this. Definitely a neat twist on the typical "chosen one saves the world" story.
There are some typos and like the previous reviewer I caution against having such a "woe is me" narrator, though I do like the contrast between the narrator and his more stereotypically heroic brother.
The narrator's little friendship with Misty is both cute and sad.
I'm interested in finding out what happens next. Good work.
| The lone canine chapter 4 . 4/23/2010
Ahh, another update, and a good one at that. I'm really enjoying this uncommon style of writing in first person POV. It's rather refreshing. Keep it up!
| The lone canine chapter 3 . 4/20/2010
Ah ha ha! Great update and introducing Misty, that was well done. I like her so far, as well as the main character, so keep it up!
| Evil Minion Number 2 chapter 1 . 4/17/2010
This story concept has a lot of potential, though the execution could use a little tweaking in my opinion.
I would highly advise against starting a story with a character complaining about how misunderstood they are by their parents and having their parents literally shown to hate them. It paints your protagonist to be a whiney, self-centered kid. First impressions are important in fiction and should be used to show a good trait of the character's or to generate interest in them.
The story would likely do better if Leon was shown to be everything and more rather than just said to be that way. Maybe a scene with them going through some daily tasks demonstrating his abilities and fine looks? Maybe have a few girls talk about him in the market place while giggling to show this?
However I did really like the image the ending painted, I did like that you dived straight into the story rather than force the reader to wade in backstory and find myself curious where all this is going to go.
| The lone canine chapter 2 . 4/17/2010
A great fight scene this chapter, and a hearty well done indeed. Keep it up, cause I'm loving it!
| The lone canine chapter 1 . 4/16/2010
A mighty first chapter, I looked it up as soon as I read the summary! Really good start and I look forward to more!