|Reviews for Memory lane|
| chocovic-chu chapter 4 . 4/20/2010
please say, daiki and daichi are twins, right?
yaay, twins chara! kobato loves twin brothers!
and the green eyes boys are also twins! right? right? please say kobato's right..TT
memory lane's better story than that story with the witch, you know.. so, continue it okay, kobato loves it! don't stop! please
| Riley-Hell's-Princess chapter 3 . 4/19/2010
REMEMBER! sorry nice chappie!
| Riley-Hell's-Princess chapter 4 . 4/19/2010
Yay! Shes remembering!
| monsterbunny chapter 3 . 4/19/2010
Ouch, DarkNeko-sama got poked on the eye... It's too hard to read...
I forgot to mention this but when I read about Gorou with the shot gun it kind of reminded me of one of my characters who had randomly pulled out a gun from under the couch and was planning to kill his friend while smiling so innocently, ah those were the days...
You know this story is making me remember my first story, along with its characters who had slight amnesia (way too many characters with amnesia XD)... It makes me wish I could still write more chapters but I'm too busy... But I remember my story taught me to forget about the past because if you're trapped by your bad past then you can never look towards the future...
Maybe you should add that somewhere in the story XD Keep at it (also sorry for writing this review based on my stories, just can't help myself)
| Chika Hanabi chapter 3 . 4/18/2010
cliffhanger! This story is actually really good so far! And I really hope you can continue it!
| monsterbunny chapter 2 . 4/18/2010
Uwah, don't quit. DarkNeko-sama hates to see authors giving up on their creations... DarkNeko-sama will support you throughout the story but if you do feel like you need to give up then just try some more chapters and see how it goes...
Don't want to sound so too demanding but can you please continue?
| Starowner chapter 2 . 4/18/2010
KEEP GOING! This is the first time Ive read something like this! and I love it so please continue!
| Starowner chapter 1 . 4/18/2010
Crap whats gonna happen now? Poor Yuki!
| monsterbunny chapter 1 . 4/18/2010
Hiya, DarkNeko-sama likes your story a lot even though she does think it's kinda tragic her parents had to die that way... someone should avenge them! Anyway even though it seems mysterious and tragic DarkNeko-sama did laugh because when she read 'Momma' a quick funny thought of those 'Yo Momma...' jokes ran through her head making her laugh continuously but afterwards when she read about their deaths she felt sad... Someone grab me a tissue... But the ending is like a cliffhanger! DarkNeko-sama likes those types of things... makes her wonder about romance? Great Job! Continue please.
| Adri Mars chapter 1 . 4/18/2010
Hello there. Well, since I like reviewing stories that are brand-new (sadly the brand-new ones are often ignored for reviewing...), I thought I'd give you a quick review.
It's a good start, however I feel like you rushed through the entire chapter. I don't know about the others but I always think that writing a chapter shouldn't have a deadline, rather, take your time with it, build up the scenery before you introduce the situation. I'm having a bit of trouble picturing the entire setting in my mind before I reached the dialogue introducing to the action. I've read a lot of other fics here and most of them lack a lot of detail, both the characters and also from the setting. Maybe I'm used to reading a certain type of format because I read a lot of books. I just think that you need to add more detail and description and build up more scenery.
You've got a lot of grammatical errors, mainly your capitalization. I know it's all rough draft, but it's because you seemed to be rushing when you're writing these that you're getting these capitalization errors.
Third, Goro vs. Gorou. A suggestion would be to change one of the names because it can confuse the reader regarding who you are referring to (especially if that reader is familiar with the Japanese language). The "Goro" name is literally spelled g-o-r-o-u when written in hiragana, no such thing as the name with only spelled g-o-r-o (at least that's what I was told by some Japanese friends). Now, it'd probably be easier to differentiate if their names are written in Kanji, but since this is intended for an English-speaking audience, it gets a lot more confusing and it just doesn't make sense (to me that is).
Lastly, use the "Author's Notes" section to add, well, notes. Reason why I mentioned this because I caught this part:
"The elderly couple decided to adopt her and raise her as their daughter since they were unable to have kids of their own. Yuki, was the name they had given her, since the night they had found her was filled with snow ('Yuki' means snow in japanese)."
Remove the ('Yuki' means snow in japanese) part from that sentence and place that in your Author's Notes. Putting your own sidenotes like that in the middle of your story is very distracting and it loses the flow of the scene from one point to the next. Notes like that are interruptions, it's like you're confusing the reader to focus on which part of the chapter he/she should be focusing while reading the chapter: the story itself or the sidenotes in parenthesis?
I hope you wouldn't feel offended by my review. I'm only reviewing as a reader and I don't call myself an expert at writing either (no one reviews my fics personally, so that's proof to me that mine isn't as good as well...), but when you do have a chance, please look over your chapter. You may say it's not as great as all the other stories here, but you should always keep in mind that there's always someone out there who is better than you or any of those writers you mentioned. To me, it just lacks a lot of "meat" and I really did feel that you rushed this chapter like a drabble. I know I may sound repetitive, but writing stories shouldn't have deadlines. They take a lot of time to be crafted in to something readers would truly remember.