Reviews for Ripe Little Rabbit: Daughter of Lilith
lili999 chapter 1 . 6/2/2010
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simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 5/16/2010
"Honey, you'll wake to find her/crumpled side of the bed, empty-".. the line break here seemed awkward. I had to read it a few times before I understood that her didn't mean her it was part of the phrase on the next line.

I did like the piece. I think it connects well to the other chapter, which is nice. I also think your descriptions are really great, especially in the second and third stanza. The first stanza was a tad cliched so I might work on that a bit more, but the rest of it was great!

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simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 5/16/2010
I like the a/n because I don't know anything about Lilith at all and it helped me understand where the piece was coming from.

Anyway, I like the piece. I think your descriptions are great and your word choices are good, especially in the second line. The only thing is the fourth line is a bit cliched with tempt and lustful intentions as describing Eve. I did love that last line though. It added a totally new level to the piece.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (links in my profile)
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 2 . 4/20/2010
Great!
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 1 . 4/20/2010
Great!
x account closed x chapter 2 . 4/17/2010
first off- the title of this! oh!

i so appreciate the fact you did "sweet kisses/laced ". i cringe to think how many people would rely on the old cliche of "poison kis!" how you contrasted the two and _then_ wove them was just one more small detail that made this astounding.

the play with Honey as a petname instead of literally was unexpected but a delight of sorts :)

the entire last stanza... surely you know without me saying how bril that is?
x account closed x chapter 1 . 4/17/2010
this is such an interesting concept! that the daughter of lilth escaped from her womb as a snake, thus tricking even god... just- wow.

the alliteration in the first two lines is nice on the tongue :)

also- the short line style made it reminiscent of a haiku which worked well with it's abstract type message/words.

beautiful as always!