|Reviews for To save the world|
| phantom130 5 chapter 2 . 4/5/2012
Awesome job with description and word use in this chapter! :D
You said before this was your first story. You're actually a really good writer. I love the plot. :D
"Once done Crystal walks back into her mother's room with the backpack in her hands as she walks up to her mother once more saying, "I will be back mother. I love you," Crystal gives her mother a loving kiss on the cheek before turning and walking away, never to see her mother again."
I love this whole chapter especially the line I just copied. It's sad, and strikes a lot of emotion :)
I also like the idea of seeing a little bit of each character's home life.
I love the end of the chapter! I can't wait to see how the next chapter goes :D
| phantom130 5 chapter 1 . 4/5/2012
I love the plot for this so far! :D
The three characters seem so interesting too. I'm hoping that as the story begins to progress we'll learn more about Crystal, Sarah, and Amber's personalities! :D
I just want to add as an additional note, you added the word "we're" a few times where it shouldn't be "We're" is short for "we are" in any sentence where the words "we are" don't fit into you need to use the word "were".
| RenRen Eli chapter 1 . 4/19/2010
Some wrong grammars here and there but it doesn't matter that much.
"Dialogue," she said.
"Dialogue," he replied, "Dialogue02."
The lack of space makes it crammed and messy. And you should use commas after dialogues. Try using verbs in past tense too. I'm no professional but I hope I can help.
Congrats on your first story!
| Sword And Sorcery chapter 1 . 4/19/2010
Cool! Everybody hates math. :-)