|Reviews for Sins of the Father|
| drazer434 chapter 1 . 9/19/2010
I really liked this prologue. I think it is just like a prologue should be; short, snappy but also interesting. It introduces to us the main character's (who I assume is Nox) feelings and emotions, without giving anything away about the actual story. The sense of bitterness, and lost innocence is portrayed very well. The contrast between the first few paragraphs and the last one really show this. Until the last paragraph this is a typical, almost cliched beginning. But with the last paragraph it quickly turns it into something more interesting, and poignant. The last line was also quite chilling, and really makes you want to read on.
However, I do have one suggestion, though not about the story. I think the summary could've been significantly better. There was nothing about yours that stood out, or especially caught my attention. And I think, looking at the quality of writing of the actual story (which was excellent by the way, if i haven't already mentioned it) the summary doesn't reflect it. But apart from that, this first chapter was very good. The grammar and choice of words were also excellent.
| HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 7/15/2010
I found this heart breaking. I am sure you were not talking about belief in a God, but that is what I saw in the line "believing that someone out there was listening". I linked that strongly to the doubts I have about my own faith, so it really touched me.
The language seems to differ somewhat as we go through. Maybe this is deliberate, as the overall feel is starting off with childish language and ending on an adult note, but there are little fluctations in places in the middle, which drop the tension somewhat.
I thought the ending was good. It carried a kind of finality, while at the same time revealing the emotions of the character. One quibble would be to put the opening line in its own paragraph, as the fact that the first and last line are linked would then stand out more.
I obviously don't know what you will be working on in future for this, but I get the impression from this piece that the title would be better as "Sins of the Mother". This obviously isn't as good a sounding title as the one you currently have, but I found the overall resentment of the character to be towards the mother, not the father.
| ByYourSide chapter 1 . 7/14/2010
Aw. A great opening. Short, to the point. Biting and fresh.
Makes me wonder where this is going, and it makes me empathize with the narrator already. And it makes me wonder if something awful happened to him/her.
| Typing Typhoon chapter 1 . 6/17/2010
Interesting prologue, is the main protagonist a cynic?
Anyway, the summary dragged me in here. I'll definitely stick around for future chapters. So far all is great in here from literary elements to grammar.
| xenolith chapter 1 . 6/16/2010
WOW this is an awesome prologue! It was gripping in it's shortness (sorry, that doesn't make sense) and the simple narrative, the simple tone, and the strong ending really made for a great little minute of reading. Excellent beginning, and a good set up for whatever you're going to write about :)
| Skylinger chapter 1 . 5/24/2010
This is a nice begining. Kind of short but that's okay. I am intersted to see where this story goes.
| lianoid chapter 1 . 4/23/2010
I think this is an interesting opening. However, I feel that the events and transitions from one paragraph to the next do not run smoothly. The flow could use a bit of work, but overall I believe that this is a effective introduction. There is no allusion to the plot; however, the reader gets a glimpse of the narrator’s inner thoughts and opinions. I think that is incredibly effective and a smart way to begin. I would like to see where you can go with this.
| ranDUMM chapter 1 . 4/22/2010
Aw! :( Nox! So sad... I loved this, it was really nice! I love the first analogy of it, how it's the 'soul' falling from the sky. That makes me happy, even though I KNOW that the second one is true. I also liked the way you wrote it, from a kids' pov, and then the 'hardened man' aura settles in at the end, so well done for that!
One small thing I thought could have been written differently:
- "I used to wish on stars...falling stars." Across those two sentences, using 'stars' twice just makes us feel like you've unnecessarily repeated that word. Maybe take out the 'stars' from the second line?
Other than that, I really like this, and look forward to reading the accompanying story! Great work, keep writing! :D
| The Lord of Shadows chapter 1 . 4/21/2010
Wow. sounds interesting. Can't wait to see how it turns out. Write more please!