|Reviews for Missing Princess Rina|
| Ramar chapter 1 . 8/2/2010
Wow! There are so many...gentlemen(?) popping up...I truly wonder who Rina's going to end up with...I'll be rooting for Lucas at the moment but Jericho is also very likable and Icarus...well, he's turning out to be quite nice...More please! :)
| 3M2R chapter 10 . 7/27/2010
So far... The story is getting spicy. Keep up the good work.
Chapter 1 was confusing... I can't get most of what is being said there. It didn't seem to have any link to the main story. And it gave me the impression that the whole story was a pure fantasy novel. It sounded like a proper fantasy novel instead of a dream.
Chapter 2 onwards was getting interesting.
I think you're pretty good at writing romance stories, you know how to spread the layers one by one, not too fast nor too draggy.
I do think the carriage was a little out-dated though.. It didn't seem to fit into the context much... Either that or it's just that I mistook this for a present-day novel. Did you mean it to be some 19/18 century setting? Carriages, horses and Cinderella ball dances with princes asking the protagonist to dance?
I don't really know where though, but some parts were a little hazy. I still get the general picture. I will have some blanks here and there after reading... Somewhat like an incomplete picture. But with the pieces I have, I can still figure out what the missing pictures are.
I have this impression that Lucas and the protagonists are going to go out after the ball... I will be looking forward to some twists. I hope it doesn't turn out to be what I've expected.
| Garneau chapter 10 . 7/26/2010
I so know who the sake stranger was. I don't know if I'm happy about because I quite like Lucas though I guess his brother does have a different charm about him.
I liked Jericho inthis chapter and mask stunt. It was such a cheeky thing I could imagine him doing.
As for his mother I am not a fan.
Can't wait to see what happens next not to mention what Rina's reaction will be when she finds out who her dance teacher was,
| ranDUMM chapter 4 . 7/24/2010
Firstly, this review return is so completely and horribly late. I am extremely sorry about that, and I hope you forgive me :)
Okay so. Your beginning line is centralised? I'm pretty sure this is an FP glitch, because I've seen quite a few people's stories starting out like this. Maybe go to your Document Managera and edit the document on FP itself, so that it doesn't change after you upload it? There's nothing wrong with having it centralised, but a lot of the time it can get confusing, as centralised stuff usually means quotes and the such.
To be honest, your writing has improved tenfold since the previous chapter. It is succint, it is clear, and the descriptions are better. It makes the actually story easier and better to read as well, so well done on that! A fine acheivement :)
There are a few mistakes throughout the story; mostly with the commas and fullstops aftrer and before the speech marks. Consider going through the chapter and revising, so that the grammar mistakes are eliminated.
A brilliant twist to the story by the way! I like Lucas, and I like Icarus (even though he seems like a bastard) and I want to know what's going to happen. Another fine chapter, and I am so, so incredibly sorry that it took me so long to get this review to you :)
| Garneau chapter 9 . 7/16/2010
Ah the trial of heeled shoes. I have had my fair share . . . ( I would have killed for someone to pick me up and carry me round, hahahaha)
I love how things that are so fitting to modern day, you play out through this story. like her inability to walk in her shoes. It's great and very unique!
As for Jericho, I like that he seems to be intimidated by the dominating female in the house. I thought it was out of his smooth debonair character to drop Rina, but it fits in with him being frightened by the mysterious woman.
I have a feeling Jericho was going to reveal a very crucial part of his identity in the carriage. If my suspicions are right, it makes me wonder how Lucas can order this certain someone around, even if he is his cousin. Will that be explained later on?
So we are now at the ball. I want to know what arrises next, update?
| Skylinger chapter 9 . 7/15/2010
That was rude of him to demand to carry her and then drop her. What a Jerk! Anyway cant wait for the update. Great chapter!
| Skylinger chapter 8 . 7/15/2010
Love it! Cant wait to read the next chapter. I like Eunice. Nice lady. Rina is stubborn. o)
| ByYourSide chapter 4 . 7/15/2010
Ha ha, Icarus is such a big, evil bully. I think he enjoys toying with Rina. And I wonder who Rina's half sister will be, and how Lucas will play into all of this. Perhaps they'll go on a grand adventure together, and we'll learn more about them. I s'pose only time will tell.
"Oh, I completely forgot! My name is Lucas, what's your miss?"
Do you mean, what's *yours*?
Another very cute chapter, by the way. :)
| ByYourSide chapter 3 . 7/14/2010
Aw. Such a twist! But of course she and Icarus can't be apart for long, right? :) Something had to happen.
I like the bartender. Lucas. He's pretty funny, the way he hides her. I like that you wrote no one knows what to believe anymore. It shows how the kingdom has taken a turn for the worst and helps to develop the setting really well.
And, of course, Rina runs after him instead of staying hidden... Ha ha.
| Passionately Yours chapter 9 . 7/14/2010
I like Jericho! Haha! Keep him!
| ByYourSide chapter 2 . 7/12/2010
Rina's personality really shines through her. I like her immaturity-she really reminds me of a twelve-year-old in that she's a bit of a trouble maker and makes light of dark situations, so that was really good characterization on your part.
The tearing of the sleeve was hilarious, and I like Icarus. First I thought he was a gruff, buff man, but now that I reread it, I see that he's almost her age. How cute. Could there be something there?
I like it. An interesting twist. And I love the fast pacing. An invigorating second chapter.
| ByYourSide chapter 1 . 7/12/2010
Ah! What a sad ending to this chapter! Poor Rina. Evil Gladys.
I like this. It reminds me of a faerie tale. Will there be a happy ending?
Of course, I wonder if she'll get together with one of the handsome-sounding brothers. This is a romance, after all. Or are they evil, and prince charming will come?
Nice beginning. :) I like.
| lianoid chapter 1 . 7/12/2010
My short dark hair swung quietly as I was nearing the end of the torch-lit corridor...
-Personal: I don’t really like the “quietly” in this sentence. I find it sticks out and is a little unnecessary. In all my experience of hair-swinging, the only time I’ve ever encountered “loudly” swinging hair is when the hair is wet, or the person has dreads. P
"No! With that snooty attitude of yours, you'll end up better on the streets!" Gladys replied venomously, "maybe in the next life, you'll learn respect
-Edit?: The “Gladys replied venomously feels like it’s the dialogue tag for the first stream of dialogue. If you wish it to remain as the dialogue tag for the second stream, you still need to capitalize the “m” in “maybe”,
Interesting first chapter. I definitely enjoyed the action and suspense. I figured the two boys were up to know good; so it wasn’t much of a surprise when the princess was “harmed,” so to speak. Some of the sentences feel a bit repetitive, simply because they began the same (i.e. She, I); so I think you should be careful of that. I also like that you’ve introduced the main conflict so early on, and with clear justification. It’s nice to know the motivation of the baddies near the beginning. I think this is a great way to begin a story, because it definitely kept me interested and ensures people will move on to the second chapter. Good work with this one.
| ranDUMM chapter 3 . 7/9/2010
To start off with, again, is the first line supposed to be italicised? I've realised that a lot of people's stories are starting out like that, so possibly it's a FP glitch.
- "The streets of Sera were all-too familiar to me. I knew every step on the dirt roads, every crack in the walls of the decrepit houses, and almost every secret the city held." That's a really brilliant line! Awesome descriptions there.
The chapter was pretty short, but longer still than the previous one. There's no break between the first and second chapters, and I feel that you could possibly incorporate them both into the one chapter.
Your descriptions are really awesome! You seem to provide the perfect mental picture of the scene, and it's great! I also noticed that your writing has improved noticeably since the previous chapter - awesome stuff! You're improving and because of that, the story keeps getting better and better :)
Keep it up!
| Ramar chapter 8 . 7/9/2010
The characters are so lovable, especially Lucas. I'm truly excited on what's going to happen next. Keep going!