Reviews for Sunday Driver
Bluebell Balloons chapter 1 . 5/28/2012
Wow. I wasn't really expecting that. Haha. I love love love this dialogue to pieces. I really enjoyed both Ana and Jules, even though Jules kinda gave me the shivers. This story also reminded me a lot of No Country for Old Men which is funny, cause I think it's just the accent (which was awesome!). Haha. Great story and keep up the fantastic work! :D
Phemonoe chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
For lack of what to say but for the guilt I would feel if I did not leave this wonderful piece a word of opinion, I only have this to say: I enjoyed reading this very much. :)
balloonfista chapter 1 . 9/20/2010
This was the best flash story out of all the winners from Jan to May.

enough said. :P
Power Rangers chapter 1 . 8/6/2010
Wow, that was very interesting. I had the southern accent running through my head, I really got used to Ana's character. I wasn't expecting anything like that when I started reading it.
McQuinn chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
By far my favorite of those submitted. I actually broke out my fake Southern accent and acted this out. Have you ever thought about writing plays or movie scripts?
MaeMaes chapter 1 . 5/1/2010
The objective of this challenge was to use only dialogue, and you took that challenge, and flew with it. You brought emotion, characterization, and the plot alive through just dialogue without any description—and that impressed me.

I loved the usage of Jules' accent, and not just telling us that he has an accent, but showing it through the way you spelled his speech (ya, you'se, poe-lite, etc.). This made it very easy to distinguish your characters. I also liked the fact that we didn't know their names until the end. I like that primarily because you weren't spoon-feeding us with: "Hi, Jules." "Hey, Ana." "So, Jules, what's up?" "Not much, Ana." You aren't wasting your limited number of words on a constant repetition of the characters' names—you don't have to. The way you personalized their speech speaks for them, and the names are irrelevant because we can already identify the characters from one another.

This piece gave us a whole story. It wasn't just a single scene, chopped up from a stand-alone story. There's a beginning as well as an ending (wherein the ending is not simply just an end to a scene, but to the story). We have the entire plot: our main characters, why Ana was out there (and we can even draw our assumptions as to why she isn't with her boyfriend), and what happens to Ana in the end. This is absolutely wonderful for less than 1,0 words.

Beyond all that, you build up tension quite nicely. I think the only area I really took off points in was the grammar/spelling. There were a few mistakes in terms of quotation/punctuation marks. Just be sure to reread and have that in there. :P

In terms of improvement, I think you could better utilize what few words you had left to build up Ana's character more. For me, Jules stole the limelight in this piece, which is fine. But Ana still sat as more of a blank character for me, beyond her fear. I think if she said things like: Please, please, I have a family, a baby sister that depends on me, loans my parents cannot afford to pay off in my stead, etc. Things like that could build up her character even more. Show us what she worries about, if she has anything else in her mind that she worries about. Of course, if it's just herself that she cares about (let's say, she's wealthy, and used to that), you can depict that, too: "Please, please, don't. I can give you money. Take my credit cards, my phone, anything. I won't say anything," etc.

Anyway, I thought this piece was wonderful. Congratulations on the win!

XD As you know, I heart heart heart this piece! Keep writing! S2 S2