|Reviews for Innocence|
| white wolf97 chapter 1 . 8/10/2010
see, at first i thought the psyco was going to rape them, but nah. oh well... oh and that word "Pub" i think its like, the UK version of a club, LOL.
but i like robert, the weird twisted mind of a serial killer makes me want to watch an episode of CSI or something.
i was wondering if you would read and review my story "The White Wolf" if you dont mind! thanks, oh and i loved this short story, really i did. didn't find any gramitical errors, thanks.
| cheveux roux chapter 1 . 6/25/2010
This was very haunting towards the end, what with the eventual double suicide. You got right into the mind of Robert as a serial killer without giving it away immediately, and you made sure his background was known. Very nicely written, and the nonchalance of Robert while he was playing the game of getting Rosaline definitely showcased his insanity. Well done, and very haunting.
| FoSizzle chapter 1 . 6/4/2010
This, like all of your other fantastic stories, just makes me want to sit and think about how developed the characters are and how they could have become that way. I always want to think of the pasts that they could have had before you conjured them up in your story, which keeps me coming back for more! Even though the character is warped and twisted, it still makes me interested in the story and what happened to him. Very good job!
| indigo-secrets chapter 1 . 5/7/2010
Whoa! Extremely creepy and VERY well written! It takes some talent to write a horror story from the point of view of the villain, in my opinion. I think you did an incredible job of that - you let us into his mind, even though his point of view is one that is hard to understand or identify with.
| 1.21 Jigawatts chapter 1 . 5/5/2010
If there's one thing I can say about your writing style, from reading this piece as well as others, it is that you have a penchant for two things:
1. Engaging the reader by writing in a voice that keeps them in the moment. You write with a voice that is very moment oriented. It's not too fast as to make the reader feel that they haven't settled into the scene and absorbed its mood, but not too slow to the point where a reader feels that there is not much more to be gained from it. In this piece, as well as in "Into the Night" and "Clara's Last Escape", you appear to be really good at setting the appropriate pace for the type of scenes you write, and adjusting the voice accordingly.
2. Twist endings, as in, endings which so far in all of the things I've read, I haven't expected initially, but when I look back on it after the fact, it seems to fit right in. I wonder if all of your one-shots include such endings!
Both of those aspects showed up clearly in this piece. Good job!
I have a couple of curiosities about your writing. you appear to be able to write scenes which do not require much detail to get the point or mood of the scene across. That is the opposite of me, and is something I'm trying to work towards. In your opinion, do you think that is a result of the nature of the scenes that you write (subject matter / intended mood) or portrayal of the scene substance in a way which does not beg more questions?
Also, how many drafts of this one-shot did you write before posting? Just curious.
I liked the subtlety, and while the detail level was technically scarce, the type of scene and focus didn't appear to require more. Overall, great job!
| Aspiemor chapter 1 . 4/29/2010
Wow that was disturbingly dark at the end, but in a good way. I loved the descriptions especially on the aftershave and nicotine part.
| Aureleis chapter 1 . 4/28/2010
...Wow. Intense. You're a good writer, and this wasn't what I was expecting, but it was well written. Good job.