|Reviews for It's Complicated|
| name redacted chapter 1 . 5/14/2010
Hm. This seems like it has a lot of potenital to become very interesting, and is a good begining. I'm wondering where this is going to go. It's a great first attempt.
Just a few notes/suggestions:
1. Define the setting. I can't really figure out where Carli is.
2. How old is Hayden? Is he like her kid brother, or some annoying immature guy?
3. Check out the grammar. It's pretty good, but like any first draft, a bit spotty.
speaks a bit planly about her emotions in the begining. While it's expositionary, most people wouldn't call themselves a time bomb.
5. great job distributing hints and information sparingly. I'm curious about the world of the story. What's going on with the Enforcers and Officials that they get capitalized titles? Did Carli say something about the leaders deciding where she's going to work? Why did they get bombed (they did get bombed, right? With the flashing lights, loud noises, and collateral damage?)? This is sounding dystopian. Does this play a part in the actual plot development, or act as a backdrop? Can't wait to find out.
6. I think it's "life savor" not "life savior".
Otherwise, great story.
| ranDUMM chapter 1 . 5/1/2010
This was a really awesome starting to the story! Honestly, I can totally relate to the prelude. It's so true, and while it's not as big as that, I feel like that sometimes too, so well done for pinpointing that so accurately! :) I liked your characterisation! It was really good, and I'm already feeling the true characters of the protagonist, Terry, Sam and the others.
I want to find out about the bomb, and what happened, but at the same time, I honestly felt like it went to quickly and too briefly. There wasn't enough written there to really make us feel what was actually happening. I thought that if you dragged it on a little more (but not too much), it wouldn't been a mostly perfect chapter :) I'm sorry if I sound mean, but that should have been a really big event in the chapter, but I don't feel like it was given the amount of attention and detail that it deserves.
Other than that, I thought that the concept was really good! Your title is cliche, but in an alright way, so that rather than making my spew from over-usedness, it makes me smile. The typical response when asked a question: "*sigh* It's complicated." Hell, they even have a Facebook status for that! :P
So to put it short, I'm really curious as to what is going to happen with this story. It's going absolutely AWESOME so far :D Well done, keep writing, I can't wait to read more! :)