|Reviews for The Dustbunny|
| MariaBell chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
Very clever! Wish it was just this easy to blame every klutzy thing I did on a dustbunny. I liked the way woman didn't just outright destroy the dustbunny, but kept it around to keep her in balance.
YOU are certainly not a "dumb bunny" with this story.
| MaddersAhatter chapter 1 . 5/1/2010
Hey, girl, do you ever think INSIDE the box?
You certainly have a unique way of looking at the world!
I'm sure I know some people who need to tame their dust-bunnies.
| grape.soda.pop chapter 1 . 4/30/2010
Okay, sorry, but before I even review I have to tell a quick story! The parts of this where she's looking for the dust bunny under the bed reminded me of an old childhood memory that I completely forgot about! I'm laughing now! :)
When I was really little my mom told me she was going to attack the dust bunnies under her bed. Even though she explained to me what a dust bunny is I still pictured them as evil bunnies... Of course when I looked under the bed there weren't evil bunnies but instead of being normal I instead got wrapped up in my imagination and thought the bunnies could be behind anything and attack me at any time. I ended up scaring myself so bad I started crying and had nightmares... :(
I loved your plot! It was creative! I'd like to know where you got the idea to associate luck with dust balls. :)
Now if I may add some constructive criticism:
I feel like your biggest weakness here is the classic: show don't tell. This is usually my main problem too...but it is important:
I did this. Then I did this. I did this. Then I did this.
It gets repetitive and it makes the more important parts of your story, such as seeing the bunny move and the end, not stand out against everything else. They definitely should be expanded upon in this was.
For me, the easiest way to show not tell is to use dialogue. I would probably take her worst clutz moments and turn them into a chat with someone, like a fight at work. When you write dialogue it usually doesn't stay I...I...I... especially if its an arguement.
Nice job! Keep writing! :)
Wow, I wrote a long review! I hope this wasn't all ranting! Haha...
| MercuryHomophony chapter 1 . 4/30/2010
This story was a pleasure to read. It was cute and inventive, its characters were good, and it was easy to follow the story. :) I especially liked the dust bunny's "character," which must have been tough to write. :)