|Reviews for Everything I tried|
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 4 . 6/7/2010
Nice chapter - however, the last time they met she seemed annoyed at him, and suddenly she's not? Other than that, I like the awkwardness between them, it's believeable, especially for that age, and especially as she's just come to a new town. However, I did notice that he calls her by her name and then she introduces herself. Anyways, I look forward to the next chapter.
| Daggerhart chapter 4 . 6/3/2010
'But instead of the warm, calming sweetness she had expected, the liquid was scorching; it shot over her tongue like a burning fire before going down her throat.'
LOL, I hate when hot liquids are like that .
Haha, it's funny when Kayla's mind is wandering while she thinks of the guy.
Matter of fact, the WHOLE chapter was rather funny. Kayla and the guy seem like they get along perfectly. I'm glad we finally found out his name at the end of it, too.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 3 . 5/31/2010
Lovely chapter; I'm really glad she got to see her little sister. And Andrea seems like a really nice person. The start was written really well, drawing the reader in and giving the hook that made me want to read on. As always, the characters are easy to relate to and like, which is never a bad thing.
| The Weatherwitch chapter 4 . 5/28/2010
this is really good!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 5/27/2010
Nice opening paragraph. Throghout this you managed to give a good insight in Kayla's character without stating anything explicity; a lot of it was done fairly subtly. You gave a really good hook at the end that will bring readers back to find out more about this boy and who this woman he knows might be. Nice work overall; I'll read more tomorrow.
| seredemia chapter 2 . 5/25/2010
Emma is a very... bold character. She's just met Kayla, and already she's hugging her? She sounds evil... No one is that nice to you on you first day *glares at Emma*. I also thought that Kayla's reaction to her was a bit... strange. If she did keep to herself, then wouldn't she be more... shy towards Emma? Instead of already thinking that they could be good friends..? i don't know, since Kayla's not my character... Just thought I'd say. Though I have to say, Emma and Kayla's conversations are fun to read.
'It was like creating a color without using any colors that you have ever seen before – it was impossible.' - TELL ME ABOUT IT. Have you ever tried making your own colour using paint? I did! It ended up looking like diarrhoea afterwards! Anyway, I liked that comparison, very good!
Hmm... I can see that this chapter is just about Kayla meeting new friends. Nevertheless, I enjoyed that! Maybe I was wrong... Maybe Emma isn't evil after all... She seems like a decent friend, actually. Good chapter!
| Kobra Kid chapter 2 . 5/23/2010
I remember when I got the wrong directions...yeah not fun xD. Haha, anyways I agree with Ms. Squire about inspiration. She's vrey wise. :).
And my chapter recomendation...um...Collide? Maybe that because she's trying to see Madeline and is colliding with eveyrthing and such. :/. I don't know. Haha, anyways good job!
P.S. Can you payback these two reviews via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks!
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
This is a typical story with a girl meets a kind guy to escape from her horrible life, but this is definitely better than most! :D. Kayla's awesome so far, so great job!
| seredemia chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
I've read a lot of stories like this before. You know, tragic girl meets nice boy to distract herself from her bad life. BUT, I actually like stories like those, so no matter. Your grammar's good. Normally, I would find AT LEAST one mistake in a chapter, but I didn't find any here... I like Kayla so far, even though it's too early to assume anything. Anyway, good start!
| Isca chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
"But it helped to drown out the dread." I like this 'dr' alliteration at the beginning of the story - it immediately helped with the flow of the piece and made it more interesting.
"Because that is what you say." Good. This line is an excellent indication of the kind of person Kayla is. She says things because she is expected to say them; how intriguing. On a personal note, I have a cousin named Kayla, so I could visualize the character in your story quite well.
[The Review Game - Stories - Easy Fix]
| Daggerhart chapter 3 . 5/22/2010
LOL, that little kid's a real prick.
The ending was good, but I think you could've had Andrea say "Have you been with a lot of foster parents?" or something because I reread that a few times and it was confusing.
I suggest the chapter title as being 'Reunion'.
| Daggerhart chapter 2 . 5/22/2010
Ahh... being the new junior kid, and having everyone stare at you as you use the school map to get to EVERY class for a week... good times! *sarcasm*
I remembered when some jerks gave me the wrong directions on purpose, LOL.
And personally I agree with Ms. Squires on her views about trying not to look for any inspiration. I think the less inspiration you have, the more creative your idea will be.
Anyway, enough of me; I was just showing you how your chapter helped me to be able to relate. I'm glad that Kayla priorities are set on seeing Madeline. This chapter ended well, too.
My chapter recommendation could be 'Excuses', because Kayla is trying so hard to think of one so she can see Madeline, but blow off Emma at the same time.
| Daggerhart chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
I liked how well you've described Kayla in a third person perspective. I've learned much about her and we don't even know all of her thoughts.
I want to see if Kayla will visit her sister since they live so close to each other now, and who this new guy is... the ending was good.
One thing stuck out for me, though; Will told Kayla that school would start at 8:20. But whenever you move, you have to register for school, so you don't immediately go to a school the second you move there, more like a day or two; I know because I shuffled around to different places a few times. Just thought I'd point that out.
| Broken Bird chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
I really like it so far, even if it is a little typical. Teenage girl, misfit, tragic history, etc. Normally this would be a put off, but you have good writing talent that makes me want to keep reading.
I also think it might be a bit better if it was in first person, unless you're going to do something with the third person thing.
Just a thought! I really enjoyed it and want to read more.
| Nightmare Remedy chapter 3 . 5/22/2010
The story seems pretty typical right now (girl with a tragic past), but it's being pulled off pretty well so far.
I wonder how 'Fantasy' will tie into the story. (Or if it's a ghost like I think it will be, wouldn't that fall under 'Supernatural'?)
I like that Kayla has a little sister she cares so much for; it adds more dimension to her character.
However,I think it's still a little tough to connect with the characters right now.
Keep on developing the characters' personalities!