Reviews for My boy goes where the birds go
lili999 chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
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Louis Denair chapter 1 . 5/10/2010
"My boy goes where the birds go" this line resonating throughout is by far the sweetest. It has a mesmerizing mysterious quality about it.

"sabers amongst the green

flesh of cloudless storms" Striking comparison and what a paradox! Flesh is Heaven and Heaven is flesh.

I find the setting of sea and the shore and cliffs particularly symbolic and meaningful- this clashing of two forces, the wave always the strongest, and our tendency to look inward, to hide in a cloister of self-indulgent prayers, pretending the wave isn't there.

Stirring work.
Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 5/9/2010
Loved the imagery you used here. It made for a very beautiful yet somber poem.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 5/4/2010
This is wonderful. Usually my reviews are the whole shebang (nitpick, encouragement, suggestions for development,) but I also try and scale them to the skill of the writer, and you're way beyond my ability to review. I'm a middling-okay amateur poet at the best of times. Hell, I'm not even fully sure I understood this piece.

I felt like it was about a mother whose son became a sailor (or a lady and her lover in circumstances of the same,) or else he had died. And it wasn't so much an elegy to him as it was to who he was at the moment. The job, or alternately death, would harden him.

But...that's the closest I can come to a proper review of this, and it's more talking about my interpretation of things than it is suggesting any sort of changes you could make. I can certainly play up the encouragement angle, because you have a gift and really should write more :D, but I don't wanna harp on that too strongly. After all, no one wants to read paragraph after paragraph of effusive gushing. Probably.

:D

-SC
notveryalice chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
The lyricism in this poem impresses me a great deal. However, I often wish for an anchor in poetry, and in experimental writing - a place for my left brain to sit contentedly whilst my right brain goes rampaging about the countryside, jumping in mud puddles.

In reading this poem, I find that my right brain is joyful, but my left brain is fidgety. "Why mention sand dunes when the prompt is clearly in a region with no sand?" it asks, "Why would the narrator ever have a chance to see Time's lover?" "What do midwives have to do with anything?" and so forth.

How successful this poem is depends on the inclinations of your audience; if they are content to lose themselves, it is very successful. If they are like me, they need some place to ground themselves.

Best,

-Web-
lookingwest chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
Absolutely love this one, I found it very romanticized and I liked the repetition of the title throughout the entire poem. It really lulls the reader I think, and your word choice to use "boy" instead of "man" or something else, was very wise too, I liked it a lot, it gives your speaker a mature edge. As far as stanza placement, the last stanza was wonderfully positioned to stand apart from the rest and that really made it pop. I like the longest stanza and how you keep it again, sort of lulling with each description. Love where you took the prompt and again, I've got another one of your poems to add to the favorites list :D Best of luck in this month's WCC!
Kackex chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
Yo Yo! You got some wonderful poetry. Your word choice is wonderful and some lines were just slick on the tongue.

Your a real gold tounged poet, keep it up.

My favorite stanza was:

Kindred flocks,

cry barnacle funeral priors,

teeth howl

hungrily,

though

my boy goes where the birds go,

You are a talented writer and...

Keep writing, good luck in the WCC, would you kindly,

Kackex
Black Sparrow chapter 1 . 5/2/2010
This is beautiful - brilliant! Your magical words won't cease to leave me awestruck.

'and Time once

had a lover, though

I never saw her face,

never saw the way she

became a woman in the

gloom of sun slash bright beauty,'

Loved these lines. :)

'He was a lover

once.'

I think leaving the word 'once' in a line on its own creates such a sad, dramatic effect. I loved it. Brought a tear to my eyes and a smile to my face. Great job and good luck.

Never stop writing!
OspreyEagle chapter 1 . 5/2/2010
Beautiful!
Isca chapter 1 . 5/2/2010
"My boy goes where the birds go." I love the subtle inclusion of the 'my boy' endearment. I love the idea that this man is a "bird man" who flies with his own wings.

"Sabers." Excellent word choice here.

"God died long ago in his cage." Utterly mind-blowing.

"Gorgon ancestries." Lovely mythological allusion.

"The rock curls with the stop of feet beside edges." I'm literally blown away, Juliet. Holy cow. How do you come up with these little gems? They're like rubies on the screen, I tell you.

"And Time once had a lover." Stunning.

"Midwives who scaled the water in the mud-huts." By this point, I'm very nearly rendered inarticulate. The only thoughts in my mind are "Wow" and "My God!"

I love this piece. Love. Love. Love.

This better WIN!