|Reviews for Going to See Stacy|
| Thetis of White Isle chapter 1 . 6/19/2010
Just some quick things out of the way-when you type numbers in prose, generally you write them out, unless they're really large. Also, a few typos here and there, a bit distracting, but otherwise, the story's probably one of the better ones I've read this evening.
The details are quite nice and the imagery wonderful. I don't have a problem with run-on sentences, although sometimes the story is not...how do I say this, it's a bit stream of consciousness so it's a little difficult to understand.
Though rough, it has a lot of potential. Nice work.
| akaz chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
It's a great premise that's unfortunately difficult to read. It needs a lot of care and editing, but it's a diamond in the rough. The atmosphere, the descriptions, even some of the ways you meld sensation and thought are all really good ways to hold attention and the build-up as he walks is great, works very well with the way the story ends.
But you have sentences that run on far too long. And you have some sentences that really don't make sense if you try to picture them. There's a lot of confusion in the images you're trying to convey. Like I said, all it would take to make this a good work of fiction is some care with the wording, and some editing with your grammar and sentence structure. This turned me off reading it initially, but I was very surprised by how well it works at points throughout.
| ValentinTwice chapter 1 . 5/28/2010
I think the intro's clever - who's in the hallway at three different times, and I like the way the 2:30 students relate to your ending. (But I'd either spell it out as "Two and..." or subtract the "and" and have the clock time stand alone: "2:15. All those...") I like the core story a lot, I just think there is a lot of irrelevant detail that clouds its purpose. For example, we don't really need all these descriptions of clothing. And while I understand there's a point to the student's wandering, it could be summarized rather than 100% in scene, making every little action less distracting to the essentials that give the whole its impact. Also, I like the overall sound of the voice, but I think it might be even better in first person. )
| Skylinger chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
I have to admit this is not what I expected. I figured it was a girl he liked or something. Not a teenage girl willing to do things for money. I did notice you didn't illustrate when he was actually talking. You might want to do that.
| For What Its Worth chapter 1 . 5/9/2010
There are a lot of run-on sentences. They make it a bit difficult to tell what is actually going on in the story by not giving one a break to assess what they have just read. Another thing, particularly when experimenting with a new writing style, it is useful to rewrite things a couple times. Not necessarily changing anything, but just rewording it. For instance, in the third paragraph, third sentence, you should remove the comma. It is unnecessary, and interrupts the flow of conscience. Interruptions also occur elsewhere. I understand you are trying to present everything as it happens, but you want them to be more diversions than interruptions.