Not trying to be rude here, but I kinda predicted that beginning from when I first clicked on the story. It's a pretty generic and common start for a story about a person and/or mythical type being (thing?) that's enslaved, which I could tell from the summary. Who knows? Maybe you'll take the rest of the story somewhere I wasn't expecting and give me some nice plot twists. I'll just have to read on, mwahahahaha...

Wth does she mean viktor needs her? She will be married off soon if she goes back home!

Aww cmon really? She thinks illiana abandonded her cuz she didnt sneak into the dungeon to see her? Not even stoppin to think that he simply made sure that didnt happen? It wouldnt be very hard... I just always hate it wen writers make their own characters extremely stupid, just to create a bit of drama. ...w/e. Youre an extremely badass writer regardless, keep it up!

Wow. Just like a selfish princess to not 'return the favor' lol. Innocent or not, one would obviously stop and think, "I wonder if she would like to experience this as well?" I mean sure, Rose obviously seems to be enjoying it as well, but she isnt covering her face with a pillow to keep from screaming her head either XD ...anyways, absolutely wonderful story so far. Greatly enjoying like i do all your stuff, tysvm for writing it for us.

This was amazing. I loved the combat. That's always the hardest part of a conflict for me.
This story kept me enraptured till the 32nd and has a solid ending. If there is no sequel, I would still be happy.

Great story...

decided to come here after reading most of yojr fanfics, your original stories were great too:) really enjoyed it! :)

Fuck... Those were my exact words well word, when I finished reading. I loved this story so much, the way you show them grow together and change and try to move on... Was absolutely amazing! I love this story and I'm off to read the sequel which I believe there is! I can't get over this story I feel like something is missing from my life now that it's over...lol that's so lame of me

Wow, Loved this story! Wish viktor would realize that Xol is really "Rosie" though. Maybe in the sequel I hope

This was beautiful! I can totally see it as a movie or maybe an anime... I have read quite a few of your stories now, and you certainly have a gift, you have an splendid imagination and great ideas! please dont let that go to waste, show the world what you got!

This was a great story. You have a hell of an imagination. :-) really enjoyed this.

O_O

I know I did't review, BUT! I was so busy reading it kinda slipped my mind... I haven't checked yet for a sequel, but, oh, how lovely it already is. Can't wait to read it ;-;

P.S. - GREAT JOB! I love the world you created ! I might, kinda, wanna live there... :P

Laaaaaast one.

[She was willing to bet the lose and his helpless position was eating him up on the inside too.]
"loss"

[She figured that he gave up...]
"had given"

[...too weak to fight with her...]
I would delete the "with"

[...to heal whatever the humans did to her...]
"had done"
[He was sure that if his father made the offer...]
"had made"
[She decided to go with the plan that she had the last time that she thought that she was done with the group.]
"she had had the" "she had thought"
[...as she realized what her friend just said...eyes pleading that she heard correctly.]
"had just said" "had heard"
[She did her best despite all the odds and she did a fantastic job...]
"had done her" "she had done a"
[...which was why she picked up on some of his speech patterns.]
"she had picked"

[...woman that seemed to so intent on destroying her.]
"seemed to be so"

Nope. Not gonna make me like Miss Olga even if Ileana helps it along. Not happening.

[...denying my feeling...]
Whoops.

[...but even she did not realize her feelings until being with Xol again.]
"had not realized"
[It just did not occur to me that I loved you...]
"had not occurred"

[...kiss Xol's soft lip.]
Whoops again.

Kinda thin on narration again, but there was a lot of dialog, so that happens. I kind of like this chapter a little bit, I guess? I mean, I think it would have been more meaningful for Xol to choose Ileana over her tribe instead of just getting kicked out. But I suppose there's also meaning in her tribe recognizing what was going on and kicking her out for it. I don't know. I'm kinda conflicted about it. It felt like this was rushed a little bit, not in the sense of trying to write quickly to meet a deadline, but in the sense of tying up as many loose ends as possible in so few words. I did like the confident, warrior Xol quivering before Miss Olga. That was a nice touch. Not over it. The ending felt a little flat. Endings usually seem a little flat to me, so that's not a huge surprise. On second thought, I'm pretty ambivalent about this chapter.

Overall thoughts.
Awkward writing. Thin narration. Littered with minor mistakes. Cheesy dialog. All kinds of things that would usually build in me disdain for a story.
But, for some reason, this is one of my favorite stories on FP. If not the.
The mythology is kinda interesting, I guess. The plot, while not entirely original, is still compelling enough to hold me. But I suppose the true draw for me in this story is a single character. I absolutely love Jin/Rose/Xol. She's actually probably one of my favorite characters in anything ever. For me, it's always either world building or characters that make a story for me, and it is Jin/Rose/Xol that, for me, carries this entire thing. Just the progression from Jin, to Rose, to Xol is just so...arrggghhh I can't even. It's just so interesting and compelling and heartbreaking and I love it. I wish I could make characters so complex.
So yeah. If this got a good rewrite and was published, it could easily make it onto the list of my favorite books ever. I would buy it (I very rarely buy books, usually borrow from libraries), and recommend it to all my friends. Actually, I've already recommend it to some of my friends on this site. No one bit though :/
Buuuut I know this is old and you're too focused on other things to give this a rewrite. Which to me, is a minor tragedy.
Now, maybe if someone were to come along and do the bulk of the grunt work with you calling all the shots... *wink wink nudge nudge*
It's okay, I'm kidding.
(Mostly :P)
Kay, that's it. I'll probably do the sequel too, once I've done a little of my own work. Bye bye.

[...enjoyed going along with Xol's plans to rent out of their services...]
Extra "of"

[...human as if that human was the one that used to pull his reins so long ago.]
"as if that human were"

[...replacing the happy chirps of birds that fled the area as soon as the attack began.]
"had fled" "had begun"

[The daijinn fought with their claws most than anything else.]
"more"

[He thought back to all of the time he saw his kin tortured and broken by these people.]
"had seen"

[...Xol was using the halt his attack against Viktor.]
"to"

[...to get the boy out of harms way immediately.]
Missing an apostrophe there.

["Mei," Yu said, still caught somewhat in awe.
"Yes?" Mei replied.
"That was singularly the sexiest thing I never saw a human do," Yu admitted.
Mei nodded. "I hope I never see it again," she agreed.]
That made me laugh pretty hard. Should probably be "I have never seen" but I'm not sure.

[...as if being a warrior was her true vocation.]
"were"

Personally, I don't like Ileana whipping out fighting skills from nowhere. I don't know why.

[...of the unfortunate bastard that she hit...]
"she had hit"

[...a balcony as if it was nothing.]
"were"
[...looking as if she was unleashed...]
"were"

[...even though the leather covering the hilt of his weapon.]
"through"

[...to taking an aimed shot at Garrick.]
"take"

[...would happen if she was in the same situation.]
"were"

[She would just have to do some other action if it did not work.]
"have to do something else if"

I didn't like this chapter. Now, usually I don't like fight scenes, even if they are well written. But this thing is pretty awkward, and filled with things I'm pretty sure would never happen in a fight. If things aren't "realistic" (I put it in quotes because fantasy), it interferes with my enjoyment. I understand that with how you set things up, this chapter had to happen. But it definitely could have been written better. The climax of this story to me is not this battle, but Xol and Ileana reuniting. This is just tying up loose ends. Very awkwardly, and a little poorly.
No offense, of course. I'll tell you more of my thoughts on it next chapter.

I'm home! Yay!

[She knew that Xol's first experience with their pack involved people hitting her.]
"had involved"
[...made them feel like they taught her a lesson.]
"had taught"

[...know that he wanted an explanation for just happened.]
"for what just"

[...to mention the horrible way that she went about it.]
"had gone"

[...across his thick chest as if he was offended...]
"as if he were"

Kinda feel bad for Ro :c

[Xol was reclining on the sofa in the Ileana's room...]
Extra "the"

[One hand continues stroking Xol's cheek...]
Whoops. "continued"

[... from the way that Xol lunged at him four years ago...]
"had lunged"

[...parading himself as if he was important.]
"as if he were"

[...parading about like the hero he wished to portray. ]
"portray himself as"

[...celebrate his returns because they knew it was expected. ]
"return" Although I suppose it's possible that's supposed to be plural.

[There were some had affection for him...]
"some who had"
[The lack of usual festivities could have blamed the fact...]
"have been blamed on the"

[...Garrick was grounding his teeth together...]
Whoops. "grinding"

[...Garrick commented as he stood his full height.]
"he returned to his"

[... worse now than the last time she saw him.]
"she had seen him"

[He did not know that he would be so outraged...]
"He had not known he"

Those last paragraphs are a little awkward. The thing with Garrick laughing and not realizing he had killed the boy is just weird.
This was another chapter heavy on dialog, so the narration was pretty thin in places, but that's okay. I like how Xol handled the thing with Ro, although the whole thing just made me feel bad for Xol all over again xD Not the luckiest girl in the world. There were a few little slips in there that make it look like you rushed this out a little, but I got that feeling sometimes elsewhere too, just this time a little more intensely. If the goal of this chapter was for people to feel bad for Xol and Ro and to think that Garrick is a complete and utter monster, you've succeeded.
Onwards to the end!