Reviews for Onward
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 5/16/2010
I loved that first line. That description was so perfect. It was not anyting I had ever read describing a ghost, but it just fit perfectly. Great job! The aliteration with "chink cloister" was really good. The only thing is the word chink seemed really odd to me. It's not something I've read before (other than as an term for Chinese people). I like the idea of breathing while alone since people are really alone. It's an interesting idea. The only thing is I found it hard to connect that part to the rest of the piece... Anyway, it's still well done.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (links in my profile)
Isca chapter 1 . 5/8/2010
"Try to breathe when alone." This line is rather breath-taking (pun intended :P). The angst in this haiku is marvelous (especially "ghosts are pavement grey").
Black Sparrow chapter 1 . 5/8/2010
This is sad and so beautiful. Love it.
nickyO chapter 1 . 5/7/2010
I love your word choice here and the tone couldn't be anymore fitting.