|Reviews for Burst|
| the-lovely-anomaly chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
I'm just about to graduate from college and I must say that this little poem really hits close to home for me; however, the emotion I feel the most is none of the ones you listed - it's fear. I'm afraid of taking the next step, afraid of falling, and afraid - more than anything - that I am not ready for life.
| XxXKristie MarieXxX chapter 1 . 4/26/2012
its crazy I think its the first two emotions I don't no why you'd regret it. But wonderful job explaining and in such short of a poem.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 4/4/2012
Interesting. When I graduated from high-school, it really didn't feel like I was never going to come back. It didn't feel like an end at all, nor a beginning really.
I like the first two lines; the word graduation does seem to infer a sense of finality to it. An ending of one journey and the beginning of a next. The balloon bursting I find a rather odd image though. Helium is light. Emotions are typically heavy. Helium would be rising to the sky, walking on cloud nine so to speak. And helium is a remarkably simple element. Second on the periodic table. Largely unreactive; an inert gas. I don't think you needed to specify the gas at all. Air I feel would have been far more fitting. As for the entire image, I think that, although simple as this poem is, you could have done more with it. Just mentioning the balloon opened up a door of complexity, and I don't think you've adequately explored that. There's a plentitude of opportunity. Balloons don't just burst. They expand. Finality isn't the only thing that fills it, as evident by the second stanza.
It's interesting you've chosen second person POV here. You're the one who's graduating from college. I would have expected a first person, but seeing as the personification only shows up the once it's hard to tell which would work out better in the end. A moot point in the end I guess.
The last line...or word I suppose. Memories. It has a hint of finale. But graduation isn't the end. You've made it sound a little depressing, truth be told. Aren't you going to take your knowledge somewhere? Step out into the real world, find a job, or do something? Or continue studying? Isn't there a new path you're going to take?...not necessary you as a person, but also the "you" in the poem. Just ending like that, with a single word, makes it seem like the end of the road. I, as someone who's still studying and dreams of being a researcher in a constantly dynamic field, can't really accept the end as being as final as that. There's always possibility...unless you've reached the end of the road. And with regret? I doubt it...unless you (the narrator) has given up on life while dragging himself/herself through the last few steps. And again, judging from the second stanza, I doubt that. Just another couple of words would fix that. For example, "Memories./ And possibilities." Of course, that's throwing to the winds a bit.
The second stanza gives me a little bit of a sinking feeling. I can't help but wonder if it was on purpose you've went from best to worst in terms of emotions, or is it just me who finds regret a darker emotion than sorrow? Curious...
I must say, I always find it amusing when the spelling's all correct in the actual piece and then the author slips up in the AN. I do it alot myself, but I still find it amusing for some reason.
About your profile, links have been disabled. Could you please PM me the URL for the forum? You've gotten me rather curious about it.
| Iva Hartnet chapter 1 . 3/22/2011
Nice work :)
Very simple piece but meaningful.
There's an underlying tone of nostalgia that I liked :)
Maybe you could review one of my stories or poems? :)
| Mirabella chapter 1 . 2/28/2011
I love that the ending realised that it was memories that made the 'filling'! :) Lovely work.
| wordzRmagik-13 chapter 1 . 2/27/2011
This is an interesting piece... I am moving schools this year, and I totally understand what you were tryig to convey. I don't think it was actually very clear though, because you only spend a split seconed on it. It doesn't have to be long, as I can see this is a short poem, but just elaborate a little more, because after all, it's really the main point of the poem. Overall though pretty good poem.
| someday-i-will chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
Sorry I'm not up to date with reviews!
I love the idea behind this piece and the imagery is gorgeous. You could probably expand this quite a lot though if you wanted to and I suppose I would probably neaten it up and put in some more punctuation in the first stanza. For example, putting a period after the first line would make sense to me but it doesn't necessarily need it.
| Archia chapter 1 . 12/23/2010
I liked the second stanza more than I liked the first. But then I liked the last line more than I liked the other two stanzas. I think that's because it puts it all together and memories can be such a powerful thing. Anyway I really enjoyed this, well done.
| lianoid chapter 1 . 12/12/2010
I enjoyed the alliteration in the second line because, well, I'm a sucker for alliteration. I think the formatting could be changed up a bit; I would toss a period at the end of the second stanza and capitalize "a" in the third, because I think it'd help with the flow a bit. When I read it the first time (and I'm not the greatest at poetry so this is merely all personal style and preference), I read the third line without pausing after the second, then realized it was a new idea and had to force myself to pause after the second line. It's not the biggest deal, but I think a little punctuation and capitalization could be worked in.
I also would have liked the image of the balloon ready to burst to be carried out a little further. Perhaps alike it to skin prickling and the feeling of being overwhelmed with these emotions and maybe even a little confusion as you try to figure out what exactly you're feeling.
As it is right now, it's a nice short piece. Definitely captures those emotions in few words, but like I said, I might run with that balloon image a bit longer. :)
-Prize review for November's RM.
| May Elizabeth chapter 1 . 9/18/2010
I like the simplicity of this piece.
Helium balloon imagery was lovely. :)
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 8/18/2010
Congratulations for winning the Review Marathon! This is your prize review:
I like the simplicity of the piece. You didn't bog down the reader with redundant phrases or meaningless description. It was was short, simple, and to the point. The narrator's questing tone was also well done, I thought. It conveyed a great deal of emotion and uncertainty behind the words, and I felt that you displayed those things nicely.
This may be just me, but I felt that the concluding line felt out of place with the rest of the piece. In the first two stanzas you describe something that is happening now. You've come to the end; it's over, you said. But talking about memories is something in the past, and thought it may be special at the present time, it doesn't directly relate to what's going on at that particular moment. I guess I'm trying to say that it felt awkward and somewhat random.
But this was a good poem, and I'm glad I read it.
| natmarie chapter 1 . 8/13/2010
I really like this image. I think it is relateable. I kind of got the idea of a balloon filled with a confetti of different feelings bouncing around inside it that explodes and rains down in memories or pictures. I agree the second stanza seems to not mesh as well. Maybe remove it? I think it might have more of an impact that way. But just a suggestion.
| lymli chapter 1 . 8/10/2010
I like the imagery with the balloons since feelings are things like just for a second!
congratulations for your graduation.
| Captain Lucky chapter 1 . 8/9/2010
I think you formatted it beautifully. It nicely sums up the feeling of graduating or finishing something momentous. Thank you for your input, by the way.
| tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
lovely little piece i'm sure we can all relate to