Hi,

1. I love the beginning of this! I am totally intrigued and I really hope you continue writing it.

2. You are a great writer, definitely one of the better ones I've seen on here. Kudos on being grammatically correct! I stop reading stories almost right away if I find spelling/grammar/tense errors. It drives me so crazy that I can't concentrate on the story.

3. I love that you have so many setting details. That is something I know I need to work on in my own writing. I also love that you have already packed so much character into each player in the story.

4. I hope that Geoff becomes a romantic lead in this. I'm rooting for him and Lee to get together already.

5. My only suggestion: in the next chapter (assuming/hoping there will be one) remind us again of what each character looks like and their relationship to each other. You introduced a lot of characters in the first chapter and I am the kind of reader who likes to make sure I have a clear picture of what each character looks like in my head.

Awesome job! Please write more!

UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE. I LOVE this story already!

Wow! That was an awesome first chapter. I know it's been a month or so since you first published this, but I do hope that you continue this story. I think it will have a lot of upcoming intriguing events.

W-O-W! This was a really great first chapter! I like that you've been able to introduce so many characters and then give us a little insight to their personality so early on in the story. There were a few little typos, but they didn't detract from the story. How old are each of the characters? In my mind Lee is maybe sixteen and Lance and Carly are fourteen. Am I right, or way off? and how old are the Shields' housekeeping staff? I really hope you continue this!