|Reviews for The World of Forbidden Dreams|
| I'm.Running.Out.Of.Ideas chapter 8 . 7/7/2010
This story had an interesting concept. I liked it. )
| Tash Sta. Maria chapter 7 . 6/21/2010
Interesting. Curious to where this all leads. Surprisingly, I like the dreamy, slow pace everything takes.
| Twiff chapter 5 . 5/31/2010
Interesting, I like the way it flows, I will keep an eye on this, it is very well written. Found a spelling error 3rd chapter "Nelly lead my through..." i think you meant me. I like to look for spelling errors, it is something that I do to help others.
| lianoid chapter 4 . 5/19/2010
I’m thoroughly intrigued by this story, and so I’m adding it to my alerts. I really want to know where this is all going; as the plot isn’t entirely clear to me right now. Nonetheless, your writing is descriptive and beautiful. Even in such short sentences and chapters, you manage to paint vivid pictures in my mind. Excellent work; I look forward to reading more.
“Where the river meets the sea” – What a beautiful line.
“...to keep this girl as my friend for I may help more than myself.” – The “for” is throwing the rest of this sentence off for me.
| lianoid chapter 3 . 5/19/2010
Again, you continue the element of intrigue. I’m interested to know about this Zasti character. Why is she warm? Why are her eyes black? And why is the narrator so trusting of these people? Again, personally I would like the chapters to be a bit longer; I find the shortness of them to tamper with the flow a bit; but of course that’s solely your choice.
“Nelly quickly steered me away, planting my in front of a confused Ugi.” – Chance “my” to “me”.
| lianoid chapter 2 . 5/19/2010
This opening paragraph is beautiful! A lot of contrasts that has my mind whirling as I read it. Overall this chapter was as intriguing as the last. A few questions pop up into my mind, and I really like that. The story is slightly mysterious, and all the while you subtly hint towards certain things missing. I really like this story so far, you certainly have my interest peaked.
“I spun quickly, coming face to a short girl...” – I think it might read better if you switched the order of “face” and “to”.
"Why would I want to reverse it, I choose it." – I think perhaps you might mean “chose it”.
“Again slowly a figure came to our view. I squinted, trying to make out the rapidly moving figure.” – Repetition of the word “figure”. Try “form” for the second one. Also, the following sentence, I think you should place an “and” before “as”.
"C'mon then," he moved swiftly away, followed by Nelly, hurried after by me.” – The action in this sentence is wonderful. You describe it so uniquely.
| lianoid chapter 1 . 5/19/2010
The last line of the first paragraph could use a bit of work, I feel. I understand what you’re saying, but it just doesn’t read smoothly. Other than that I think this is well written. It’s beautiful and tragic. A bit shorter than I would have liked; I normally prefer prologue’s/first chapters to be at least two thousand words, but that’s just personal preference. You begin this story with suspense. Who is this character? Why did s/he decide to kill him/herself? An excellent way to begin a tale, because it really entices people to read more.
| Jean-Baptiste chapter 4 . 5/10/2010
Two more interesting chapters, great as ever. At start, I've almost felt like each of them were without emotion, like empty wandering spirits, but it turned out good after and I'm happy that Temara is getting used to her surroundings.
| Jean-Baptiste chapter 2 . 5/9/2010
Deep chapter, beautifully described. There is such a strong emotional vibration with every scene.
"Ain't it great to be dead?" - this line disturbed, yet fascinated me to no end. Please do continue!
| MysticGypsyGirl chapter 2 . 5/8/2010
I loved how mystical that was! Everything seemed so…so…I can’t quite think of the word…it was very eerie with all it’s emptiness and darkness yet so strongly emotional because of the thoughts she was thinking. Great job! This is just the darkness I’ve been craving but haven’t really found on this site.
| MysticGypsyGirl chapter 1 . 5/8/2010
Oh, very dark and sad…exactly what I like. ;)
Of all the things I’ve read of yours, this one had to be one of the best. This scene was so ominous and mysterious. I mean, I knew she was going to kill herself (since I read the description…) but I certainly hadn’t thought she was going to jump! I thought she was already dead…well, anywho, great job on the story. This story sounds really promising and I can't wait for more.
| Jean-Baptiste chapter 1 . 5/8/2010
Interesting introduction. I love the ambiguous atmosphere and I am looking forward for more. Please do continue!