|Reviews for The Children|
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
Yay for Keira! :). I love that name, btw. ;). Haha.
Anyways, your descriptions are very poetic and paint a clear image in my head, so kudos for that! :). This whole concept is interesting, and I hope that you write more of it soon!
Some of the dialouge, for Keira and Damian, did sound a little older than they are. I know how hard it is to write children's dialogue, but I still loved this! Keep on writing!
| waitingforwhatever chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
Very awesome start to what's going to be a beautiful story! I like the whole wings idea-are they angels or birds? And are the ones with tails some sort of cat? Hm..
Ok, well, whenever you have them talking, you don't have to capitalize the "he said" or "she replied" part. For example: "The pumpkin just talked to me!" said the flower child. "You're stupid," said her brother blandly. Etc. etc.
Sometimes I got the feeling in the dialogue that the children were speaking in a way much older than their age. I guess what they'd been through would mature them...but I'm not sure how realistic it is for an 8-year-old girl to hate someone because she's older and prettier. Keira is a very strong character, though. I like her so far.
The flash-backs were SO depressing-which is a good thing for you.
"Well darling, every time somebody says that they love someone else, the angels make a star in the sky, because they are so happy about it."-that is so beautiful! It made me want to cry-especially knowing what her mother did to her soon after. I'm confused by the way people suddenly turned hateful, but I'm sure you'll explain all that in due time.
I noticed a few more typos but I don't feel like going back and telling you all of them. :p It's a really long chapter, which is another good thing-there aren't many long-chapter-writers on fictionpress. Plus, a short chapter wouldn't suit your story nearly as well.
Keep writing this, because I''m really looking forward to seeing where this story is going!
| Alice Novak chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
I love how your writing is so poetic!
And you've got your dialogue pretty down to earth!
The part where Keira reflects on the memory of her mother is really touching.
It's amplified by all the similes and metaphors afterwards.