Reviews for Another Mans Story Draft
Vernelley chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
The story is ok but could use a little polishing. A lot of the sentences run on and jar the flow a bit. I would suggest breaking down some of the paragraphs because they're all rather long. It would also help if you added a few periods here and there and capitalise the letters in some place. Also, it would be a good idea to spell out numbers like 'ten thousand' or 'fifteen', etc. Thus far it is ok if you're not trying to use any form of emotive appeal, but if you are the piece needs a bit more emotion so that readers can relate. It's not too bad, just needs a little fine-tuning.
Skylinger chapter 1 . 5/14/2010
You need to use more parenthenthesis. It would help keep the reader focused. Otherwise it kind of drags a little bit. The story does seem like it could be an interesting story.

Skylinger