Reviews for Mary's Dog
Elennar chapter 1 . 5/31/2011
Opening:

I think I fell for the opening hook, line and sinker! It was really everything that a good opening should be: it completely perked my interest, kept me wanting to read more; and flowed beautifully to boot! Nice work!

Writing:

The strongest thing about this piece would be the way you wrote it. You matched your writing style with this story's mood/setting perfectly; and it must've taken a lot of skills on your part. I mean, the imagery and the phrasing was clear, un-cluttered, and conjured up very vivid visuals as I was reading this.

Scene:

In terms of scenes, two of them stand out a mile for me:

The first would be when Ted remembers his wife, and turns around to say it to the dog; only to belatedly remember it was the DOG he was out burying.

It really was a great way to show the readers just how inextricably linked the dog was to his life, even though Ted didn't go around smothering it with affection or whatever.

The second would be the scene where Ted gets spooked by the half carved wooden statuettes: it was great because I could picture the firelight reflecting off the half faces, and I really got goosebumps while reading it.

Other:

I suppose what I enjoyed best about this piece was its subtlety- it really isn't a story about overt grief or a sense of loss. I think it's more about the stage when you come to terms with someone's death, and you can still look past the pain of the event and remember them with fondness.

Totally a treat to read!
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 12/23/2010
Characters:

Ted was a great person to read about. His emotions and actions all seemed to be fairly believable, and I loved how his character progressed throughout the pice.

Ending:

By far, the ending was the most enjoyable part. I loved how Ted dealt with things and came to a self-realization of sorts. And your reference to ‘Ted’s Dog’ was brilliant.

Enjoyment:

Overall, I liked the piece and the concept behind it. It was certainly well written, but it didn’t really seem to pop. Like, you had everything there, but the wow factor was missing. So while it was an interesting piece, I didn’t find it to be particularly memorable.

Spelling/Grammar: (A few run-on sentences)

“It had always been Mary's dog but in the years since his wife's death”

-Comma after ‘dog’

“every once in a while when Ted forgot to share his bacon at breakfast but overall he just remembered seeing it”

- Comma after ‘breakfast’

“Mostly he stared at the book and listened to the non-living sounds of the house but he told himself he was reading and enjoying whatever book he'd picked at random from the bookshelf.”

- Comma after ‘house’
wisedec4u chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
I thought this was absolutely wonderful story. Your characterization Ted was so full of depth that it was almost impossible not to sympathise with him. Also loved how you showed his struggle to keep Mary's memory alive by attempting to immortalize her with his woodcarving, but failing miserably as his memories of her began to fade. Nice touch with him going to get a new mutt at the end, a companion that he could talk to and share his thoughts with. It showed that although our love ones may leave us, we can't stay stuck in the past. We have to find our own ways of coping and move on.

I to meet my RG requirement I have to point 2 things I found wrong. You do realize you have made this extremely hard for me, but here goes: I felt like you should have explored this a little further. You showed his spiral of loneliness, but I think we could see more of him getting better. Possibly having a young dog allowed him to get out the house more on walks, meeting new people, coming out his shell. Maybe even running into widow with a dog as well. These were just thoughts running through my head as I read your story. I hope this helps. Good Luck!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa chapter 1 . 10/17/2010
Ok. Two things. First, curse you for making me cry. Second, that was absolutely beautiful. I really couldn't find a single flaw in your story. Amazing job.
YasuRan chapter 1 . 6/18/2010
A great insight into the life of someone coping with loss. You did a great job with characterization. I felt like I got to know Ted and Mary very well, sympathizing with everything he went through. The story itself was sweet with a touch of melancholy in the middle. It went down nicely like a good cup of tea. I particularly liked the observations on the dog, how Ted initially finds it a bit difficult to grasp that it's now gone, just like his wife. The ending befit such a story with Ted learning to move on at a new beginning. Oh, almost forgot, I liked how incorporated Ted's woodcarving with him trying to remember Mary. It was both amusing and slightly sad to see how his attempts played out.

On the whole, a great job by you. Enjoyed reading :)
Mamsephet chapter 1 . 6/4/2010
Firstly, I thought your writing was absolutely impeccable. It really was. It flowed well, after a while I wasn't even reading you know, it was just...the images were appearing in my head. Like prose should do. Now. The only thing I would critique...is the overall idea of your story. While a very warming piece, it was a little bland. I don't know. Perhaps it just wasn't my genre. But as I was reading, especially in the beginning, I couldn't help but let my mind stray to other places that you could have taken this. I read on your profile that you write horror right? I don't know, I pictured this grizzly old man, lost in himself from the sadness his wife's death has caused him, and going crazy because of it. Like, dressing the dead dog as his wife. Eating breakfast with it. I just feel there was so much you could have done to engage your audience further. Because every other element is there; the story-telling, the prose, fabulous dialogue, character development...you could have done so much. That's the only place it fell short for me. In any case, wonderful piece. I'm suprised you don't have more reviewers!