|Reviews for Flow|
| anonymous chapter 8 . 8/1/2013
| Lori Jane Summers chapter 8 . 12/29/2012
Girrrr how dare you! lolz anywho i love it :)
| Aylen chapter 7 . 1/5/2012
This is very well thought out. You're so creative.
| Aylen chapter 6 . 1/5/2012
| thegirlwiththepinkhair chapter 7 . 11/30/2011
That was...DEEP man! that was soooo cool I lovee romance/fantasy type stories and yours is a definate favorite! if you want to read another good one try "Forms of Magic, Book two Birds Of a Feather" but its part of a seris so read the first one first...I Loved your story so much verry original. Keep writing! I hoe you become a real athor someday!
| FujoshiPanda chapter 7 . 11/27/2011
OMG this story is amazing! SO cute and exciting! I cannot wait for the next chapter! I'm so jealous of your writing talent... Keep up the amazing work!
| Silent Winter chapter 6 . 5/5/2011
THIS STORY! ...I have been reading it in tiny increments since the new chapter was published. Freakin' TORTURE! I would rather read this than study for my math final ANY DAY OF THE WEEK! So you should totally update so I can pretend that finals don't exist, hole up in my room, and read like a maniac, mmkay? :D Speaking of finals, good luck on your own! I am sure you will do great. :3
Anyway, review time nao! -rolls up sleeves- Whe!
As always you do a wonderful job of meshing this whimsical fairytale world with the one we know and (sometimes) love! I loved the appearance of the leprechaun. Although I am wondering where he went? Perhaps we will find out later! This entire chapter was very climatic. Smokin' hawt Rayden has risen questions in my mind and they need answers! :3 I've just started writing my review and already I can tell you that I NEED another chapter soon. NOTE: This is a need, not a want. A NED... Like coffee, this story is HAWT and addicting! :D
"It was a cloudy Friday morning outside and high school sizzled with activity in between classes." - While we have already been hooked on this story, I think it always helps to have an enticing line at the start of every chapter. I think merely rearranging the first paragraph would help tremendously because you have action, just not in the first sentence which is one of the most important in writing.
"Rolling my eyes, I passed a group of cheerleaders talking animatedly with a group of football players. Oh, wasn't that stereotypical?" - Lol! This is great because, yeah, you use a cliche... But you point it out! :D Which turns it from typical to amazingful! :D It also really brings out Flow's character type. It reminds me of your remark on sports' jerseys! Loved that, love this too!
"It was a velvet and mahogany paradise that resembled a French Opera House. This was where all of the money we paid for my education went. Go figure." - Once again, you have an impeccable ability to strike up doubt in me only to reassure me that everything is part of your fantastic and wonderful plot/writing style. I was thinking to myself what a high school is doing with a theater reminiscent of a French opera house, when you state later that St. Louis is all about the arts and their budget goes to stuff like making grand theaters. Lol. It's very cute and adds good imagery and scenery to your story. :3 You do this again later with a gatekeeper at the school! I loves it! -hugs story-
"She was a witch, after all." - Kat, I love her! However, I think I need a little bit more of a distinction between a witch and a fairy. I am also curious why Kat is a witch and no one else in Flow's family seems to be? I don't know if you plan on elaborating on this later, but I would highly recommend it!
On the subject of Kat, I love how you describe her face as heart shaped! the whole of Kat sort of reminds me of Princess Peach, lol! She is so cute. But I really do like that you use uncommonly mentioned elements, such as face SHAPE to help the reader better understand the facade of the characters. It's fantastic!
""Sometimes. They feed from whomever crated them, but they become very unstable if their creator dies." - Ah! Icky magic beast! ...But I think you mean "created" instead of "crated" them. ;3 However, I am really wondering if Rayden is one of these magic creatures! Is Flow going to fall in love with him? :O I am so curious!
"I choked. Only in my Mom's wildest dreams—or my nightmares." - Bahahahaha! I love this. Poor, poor Flow! I love her mother in an insane way. I hope we get to see more of my motherly antics and people-eating-food soon! :)
"I looked up from my daze, holding the side of my head because it almost physically hurt, and found Rayden's blue, blue eyes on me." - FAHGNEDSTJ! . -brainfizzles- I remember telling you I was not incredibly fond of the mercury eyes thing, and this is SO GOD! Normally, yeah, you shouldn't use the same word twice in one sentence but the way you used it here is simply artistic and lovely and made of WIN! You are winning in a totally NON Charlie Sheen kind of way! I like this. SO MUCH! The 'blue, blue' part just took my breath away and conveyed so much emotion. I read this particular part two days ago and I am still finding my feet. Somebody knows how to use their words to strike the very heart of their readers! :D
"She didn't even bulge." - She didn't even 'budge?'
"He bolted out like a tornado going for a cow." - Ahahaha! I know this is supposed to be serious and all and we all know that tornadoes don't maliciously suck up cows... but I love the whole of this. It really lightens things up and made me laugh! :)
"His eyes flew to my mouth, never once making contact with my eyes..." - I have got to be honest, I read this wrong the first time, lol. I read the words 'flew' and 'mouth' and went OMG they are making out! ...And then I read the whole thing, haha. While they did not kiss, this sentence, much like the blue eyes one, conveys a lot of emotion. I love how you show us instead of telling us that he refuses to look her in the eye by instead seeking her lips. At the same time, it's almost a little bit of a foreshadowing flirtation, since the mouth is, well, a very kissable place. :) This as opposed to the space behind Flow, her hand, her stomach, ect. is very sensual feeling and I really enjoyed the connotation it carries!
"I wanted to shout for him to stop being a moronic jackass and talk to me, but I didn't particularly feel like letting the whole school know about my opinions." - Yay! I love this too. The way you use the words is very cute and poignant! - I love your writing style!
So... The bit at the end I don't have much to say other than WTF you owe us another update soon! D8 I wanna find out what happens and what, err, well, happened, lol. Because it is quite a cliffhanger!
...But sadly you must study too. lol. Do well on your final and come back to us soon with another chapter! :3 There are many fans (such as me) eagerly awaiting that lovely little email in our inboxes telling us a very special author has updated a magnificent story!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
| Ember Black chapter 6 . 5/1/2011
What is going on with rayden? lol and yes, that was a fairly quick update (:
| Icelynx-Venom-Pheonix-Fire chapter 6 . 4/30/2011
i read the last few lines and all i could think was rejected you just got rejected and mini-cheerleaders doing a routine
| renegade01 chapter 5 . 4/21/2011
rayden and rodney both have me suspicious. still love rayden though. i'm a little confused as to why flow fainted and what's going on with the messages to the girl, but i guess we'll find out eventually.
have fun at graduation. ;)
| Silent Winter chapter 5 . 4/20/2011
AH! I have become addicted to this story. It's like a freaking DRUG! ...Or chocolate. One of the two. I spent all of yesterday and today reading it! And so glad I did. It's so ADORABLE and inventive! You are such a creative writer. I just love this fairy world you have created. Waht's more, you seem so confident and consistent in it. I am having so much fun reading this story.
But to be honest, I am slightly dismayed that this story is almost a year old and there are only five chapters. But that's only because I LOVE it so much and I sincerely hope that you give us more frequent updates! I can tell you for a fact that I am absolutely hooked and I will keep reading "Flow" and leaving you reviews, because I love this story so much! :D
The ending really packed a punch! I was almost beginning to think Rayden was normal and even wondering when the HECK he and Flow are going to kiss! ...But now I am wondering if I even want them to kiss! And who the heck is this barefooted girl? Ah! So many questions! Please update soon! I am so hungry for more.
And what is UP with Flow randomly fainting? I wonder if it had something to do with Rayden... did he make her faint? So he could look like a human? Is he a human? Is he somehow connected to the strange messages? As you could probably guess from my last review, I seriously thought it was Rayden sending her messages. But what is UP? And what's going on with the fairy world? Could witches and dragons have a foot in this? I am so intrigued! You have NO idea, lol!
There was only one big grammatical thinger that jumped out to me.
"I didn't swoon, but his intensity horrified me –he looked searching." - I don't think people look searching. Maybe he looked her over, searching?
Nonetheless, this sentence is very telling! I wonder if he is searching Flow for a weakness? Will her weakness become him? THEORIES! I have them. :P Your awesomesauce writing has inspired them. Can I haz another chapter? Pretty please with cherries not from Flow's mother's garden?
And Rodney... I have suspicions about him too! I wonder if he is just a plain human. Also, Flow's origins are very confusing to me. I have tons of questions. I hope you can answer them. I have suddenly become such a fan of you, lol!
The encounter with the lizard was quite cute! I love how Flow reacted when she saw her dad talking to him. :)
I also wonder if Flow will ever travel to the fairy world? You're such a wonderful writer, I am sure it would be absolutely beautiful to behold. I just love hearing about Flow and her little world. So fantastic!
We just studied magical realism and Gabriel Garcia Marquez in English. Not sure if I would call this story magic real (since it is sort of fantasy) but the format is similar to magical realism. AND I LOVE IT! So much. You have no idea. I want MORE! Please update soon. Or I might vanish into the fairy world and you will never find me again. D: -gasp-
Anyway, totally loving your cute little story, I hope we have another update from you shortly!
| HeartRose chapter 5 . 4/20/2011
I can not wait for the chapter!;)
| Silent Winter chapter 1 . 4/20/2011
Wow! What an interesting concept! Fairies in the real world? Hm. I haven't read a fairy story in years but I am so happy I chanced upon this one! It's blooming with creativity.
I simply adore your opening. It's quite a hook! I love how you take all of the stereotypes and contrast them with Flow. It's cute that she has black hair too. Normally I picture fairies to be very light. Although, I do think it is very cute that in creating your story world you kept a lot of things in relation to fairies, such as small statures, sparkles, and such. The messenger pixie was adorable, and I loved the star seal! :) Flow's mom also seems like a great character. She makes me laugh, as does Erik! Haha, I think I might have a wee bit of a crush on Flow's big brother!
"And, worse of all, I can't fly..." - I think you mean 'worst.' :)
"Students went here and there like bees,..." - I LOVE how you tie your theme into the story by using metaphors and similes that relate to the overall picture, such as saying students are bees and later again when the house is bees and honey, or how Flow's room is so incredibly pink!
"...professors tried to keep things in other –very unsuccessfully." - To keep things in order, maybe? I don't understand order. D:
"I really needed to stop talking to inanimate things which I knew would not answer; those snobby objects were most unpolite –and that wasn't even a word." - Ah! I love your new word, lol! Very cute. I also like the idea of inanimate objects talking, haha! I wonder why Flow doesn't have magical powers? Is she just "deformed" in the fairy world? Egads, I can't imagine having a name like Flow in the real world. Goodness! But this is quite a cute little tale! :)
"Unconsciously, I focused on Elephant guy,..." - Since "Elephant Guy" is presented as his proper, the whole thing, including "Guy" needs to be capitalized.
"A smiled fixed on my face as I turned to walk toward my physics class;..." - I think this is just a silly little typo! I would say "A smile fixed..."
"Take that, Superman." - YES! :D I love this line. SO MUCH! Also, the way you talk about Superman makes me wonder, could he be real? It wouldn't surprise me in this fantastical world you have created! I love it. It's all so whimsical! This story makes me a happy girl. :)
However, I also notice you start a lot of sentences with "I this" or "I that..." I KNOW how hard it is to avoid starting all your sentences with "I" in a first person narrative, but I would recommend trying to add a bit of sentence variety. It adds some flavor! :)
"...and the wardrobe to prove it (or the lack of, may I say)." - LOL! I completely hate it when guys wear sports jerseys all the time. I feel like screaming STOP IT RITE NAO! :K For realz. It's UNATTRACTIVE! Celebrate with your guy friends. Whatever. But at least look DECENT when you are out in public. Haha. This made me laugh so much. It is such a GOOD subtle description! :D You have a lot of those. I want to commend you on that. It adds a lot of interest.
"Uninterestedly, my eyes fell on the person who had talked;..." - Two things make this sentence a bit awkward. While FireFox is not telling me that "uninterestedly" is not a word, it just sounds strange in my mouth. Also "the person who had talked" sounds strange to me. lol. I would rephrase this sentence to look something like, "Without interest, my eyes fell on whomever was speaking(had just spoken)."
"...it was more like there was pure Mercury (II) floating behind his iris." - While I LOVE the way you are describing this guy's eyes and they sound LOVELY (and I totally think he is a fairy) AND he sounds like a hottie potattie, I would avoid uncommon themes and elements. Just a gander, but I don't think the common person has seen Mercury (II). You are also introducing a scientific element that simply doesn't seem to fit. It's like saying, "Hemoglobin and leukocytes siphoned from the perforation on his arm as he fell off the cliff into the H2O." instead of "Blood spilled from perforation on his arm as he fell into the sea." I would recommend using something less obscure to describe his eyes.
But OMG! Rayden and his (possible) fairy-self sound DAYM hawt. :P Yummers! DO WANT! ...Erik too. :D I can has both, yessums? ...What? .;
The difficulty Flow's mother has in the kitchen is laughable! I mentioned before that I like her as a character, and I really do! She is compelling and, like Erik, she offers a lot of comic relief. This story is just so cute and enchanting! :) It makes me want to be a fiary! ...In a really weird way. Maybe I just want Rayden. LOL
"I know, I wasn't the most charming flower in the garden, but why waste precious saliva communicating?" - Once more, I really like how you relate this back to something that is involved with fairies: flowers! However, I don't like the use of saliva in this sentence. It sounds a bit strange, lol. It is like saying flowers have an odor instead of a scent. I would simply use breath here. It doesn't detract at all.
"I could hardly communicate with that particular animal and it didn't matter how many offensive "meows" a cat could meow, they would never be anything more than meows unless you understood them." - Aw! Communicating with animals! That is so cute. ...Even if Flow can't really do it. lol. You make fairies sound so cool in this! It's super awesome. I love it!
"It could also have something to do with my brother's slight obsession with that color; and the fact that it matched his eyes –vain idiot." - AH! This is adorable too! And I also that green color of vanity, and she describes Erik as VAIN! Sparkling brilliance, m'dear! :D
"It felt very satisfying when once of the shoelaces hit him and send him flying against the wall –literally." - LOL! Typical sibling stuff. I adores it! :D The relationship Erik and Flow have is super special!
And the ending REALLY makes me think that Rayden is a fairy dude! ...Although it looks like he has eyes for Flow. D: -dreams slowly crumble- Oh well. -glomps Erik! ... :D
Overall, a very cute story! I have to run to work, but I am looking forward to reading some more of this lovely story when I get back! I can't wait to see what the next chapter holds and whether or not Flow will keep her marbles together despite her crazy family! :)
| Ember Black chapter 5 . 4/20/2011
I think...that you should update soon (: haha But I really like it. I wasn't sure if I would, but I definitely do. (:
| Alicat05812 chapter 5 . 4/20/2011
Love your story and I get your alerts all the time. Keep updating.