|Reviews for Marauder|
| Youre chapter 1 . 9/3/2010
Wasn't too sure what to think of this at the beginning, but certainly getting interesting! :)
| zutAra101 chapter 11 . 7/15/2010
Nice...I love this.
I was so wanting her to do the whole warm me up with body heat thing.
Love it update when you can and if you ever get this to publish...I want a copy )
| Twelfth Night chapter 2 . 5/20/2010
This might sound kinda mean (the beginning, since I was tired when I typed it, but won't change it) but I'm only critiquing plot and stuff because, well, the grammar was practically PERFECT. Congrats, Adrian. XD So, this is more of me telling you my opinion, which can be completely disregarded.
Me personally, I don't think she should've been born priveleged. How can she understand the strife of victims? She's Ivy League, Adrian. I feel so mean...but I pictured a kid from a sorta hood area (doesnt have to be THAT bad) you know? Someone who could...yeah. Sorry.
I like this start. Though, I think the gun fear should be bigger.
I still think she should've been a little creeped out at being stalked.
I like how you're expressing her sexual attraction, and hint at Pedersen's homosexuality, without it being too much, you know? It's just right.
I first thought of Brynn as a guy, despite the female voice. It'd be nice for her to be close to a guy, you know? I have a problem with that, though, when it comes to femmeslash. I love your description of Bouchet-to the point and thorough. XD When you get this published, I'll buy it as soon as I have money in a few years...
It usually takes the police a long time to get drug lords, I think. More than 2 years would be both feasible and impressive. Though, I'm probably wrong, heh. Spit on his palms? XD Sorry. Thought of just leaving it alone, but couldn't help myself.
Why do both he and his sidekick have to be ugly? There ARE attractive men out there, Adrian. XD You know that. Women get jury duty. A jury would be swayed by a women with make up period. I don't wear makeup, but I've gotta admit that when done RIGHT, it can give an increased sense of professionalism.
If she goes marauder because the drug lord has Stone killed, you're brillaint. XD If it's something even BETTER, you're freakin' God (not to be blasphemous). XD
"Thank you, I wont forget this," he promised.
You mean immorality, right? Not immortality?
Rylie's a pretty name.
| Twelfth Night chapter 1 . 5/19/2010
Great start! It's short, but makes me wonder what a Foreword is...I thought it was a quote. Heh. XD
| Phoebe Melinda Halliwell chapter 1 . 5/19/2010