|Reviews for The Attempted Suicide of Lucas St James|
| Anon chapter 1 . 7/9/2013
Well, you must have done your research, because serrated blades do hurt more, they tear and pull. Image cutting something like an onion with a clean cut knife, a sharp one. Your hand slips or a finger gets in the way. You cut your finger, you wouldn't feel (by feel I mean it would burn/sting/hurt) it till 10-15 seconds after the cut, you would know it happened but its so sharp, the cut is so clean, that you don't feel any pain at first. The onion thing happened to me at a community meal I did like, spring 2013. It was actually really funny, my friends were all there, apparently my face was priceless when it started to hurt, and I felt so restricted with that glove I had to wear afterwards... It even cut through nail... So I got just tiny bit off topic. It was good, a nice emotively great story, one that makes you think, "What happened after tha- No! Its over!? Make a sequel! Please MAKE A SEQUEL!
| JHeartbreak chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
I thought this story was excellent up until Luke wakes up. The slow, steady unrolling of things, and the tension of whether or not anyone is going to stop him. I think that was done really well, both as art and as a representation of suicide.
Afterwards, it’s not great, on either front. Artistically, it loses the vigour of the first half, perhaps because you are trying to confine yourself to the probable? As a representation, it loses interest. You gloss over the recovery process and skip to the kiss, which is, frankly, a little out-of-nowhere. I mean, it’s clear that Aubin is supposed to be the love interest, but for him to jump Luke after crying because he almost died strikes me as strange. And if you wanted to do it anyway, in spite of or because of strangeness, you can make that fit better, but just throwing it at us in the last paragraph is a little baffling.
Sorry if this is really negative. I think the first half shows a lot of power and potential on your part.
| Happy Hippie chapter 1 . 4/8/2012
I'm trying to avoid studying for a test I have tomorrow and I thought that since you've left some very sweet reviews on my story I'd pop by and see what all you had up. You've actually got the honor of being the first person on fictionpress I've ever reviewed because I spend so much time writing that I don't get to read much, and when I do I'm a notorious lurker :P
I don't normally read stores with such dark subject matter, which is totally weird because I definitely write in that style, so I was actually really pleased with the ending. I know you said you thought it was weak but I thought it was perfect. It fit the rest of the story as far as the depth level of emotional exploration. I was also pleasantly impressed with the style and variation of sentence structure. It made for a very easy, flowing read which tends to be the main downfall of a lot of writers, at least that's what I feel.
I think you should definitely keep writing, and go for a longer story too. It obviously takes awhile (sometimes even 5 years, ughhhh) but it's totally worth it when you have so much time and space to really dig into your characters, and based on this story I'd say you clearly have the potential to be able to do that.
I'll look forward to hopefully seeing more from you in the future!
- Jessie -
| Hybrid Rainbow chapter 1 . 5/6/2011
A little bit of peace is what we all want, isn't it? Though generally you have to find it within yourself before you can find it in someone else, even someone as sexy and French as Aubin is.
I hope you're still working on your novel, girl. The stuff you have here on fictionpress is rather explorative, but I'd like to see something more refined, though big long stories do take a long time. Oh well. We are patient.
| Feeshes chapter 1 . 11/21/2010
No no, you did fine!
The main difference, is that cutting really doesn't hurt. Not like you'd think.
But that may be me.
| WeFallForever chapter 1 . 8/24/2010
You know, I think this is one of the most meaningful things I've read in a while. It was so real and powerful that I just couldn't stop reading it. Excellent!
| CraZier8 chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
Awesome. Spectacular. A million times better than anything written by DAVID LEVITHAN. Seriously, though. _ good job! XXOO :)
| big.break.and.laryngitis chapter 1 . 6/3/2010
Aw. This story broke my heart and then sewed it up again :D Great job! I love your characters, and the way this was written. I like how you went into depth with Francis. And Frenchmen... Usually not my type, but I'll jump anything with an accent, so. Points! Haha. Again, great job.