Reviews for Moonwalker
seredemia chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
Aaw... This was just so calm, beautiful and... I don't know how to explain it. I'm just rather speechless. This poem was just... wow. I love love love love LOVE this line:

'and you're reminded- no, I'm reminded

of mortality and the way a raindrop laughs against the backdrop of the world

but still goes splat at the end of the song.'

-How the hell did you ever think up of that line? That was utterly wonderful and creative... I loved every line of this.
Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 6/15/2010
I really enjoyed reading this poem! :). It had a great flow and I loved the whole tone of it. You also had good vocabluary as well. Keep on writing! :D

~B. Cross from the Roadhouse
Sarah A. W chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
I like the flow of your poem and how you repeated "breath in, breath out" This always gives the poem strength and it supports the idea of how you changed in the present.

I hope I understood the poem well.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
This poem is very interesting and abstract. I like the way you left it open to interpretation, though I'm certain it meant something in particular to you. The flow was nicely done, and I liked your word choice. "Mongrel" in particular.

Nicely done.

Adonnen (The Roadhouse)

P.S. Now, since you've already reviewed my poem, I don't need a return review. (I've got nothing else of interest up, anyway) Just think of this as me paying you back. (:
dreamergurl-02 chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
I like how you connected the beginning of the poem to the near of the poem by the repetition of "I breathe in, breathe out" Those lines really made a powerful impact and contributed a lot to the imagery. I really liked the last line with the "up and away from me" The word choice really left a vivid image on my mind.

-from the review game
greenforests chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
Firstly I love how you used 'I breathe in, breathe out' in the last stanza, like a reflection of growing up and looking back it made the poem feel more complete. Secondly I like the assertiveness you use "I'm gone, and you'll be gone too" the strength in these lines tell me that it all means something. All over, a good poem with strength that is moving and resolution that is finale.
in theory chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
I enjoyed the informal tone in this, it's very 'down-to-earth', ironically I guess. I found the 'I'm going, baby' a little strange if I'm honest, it's just a little *too* in your face and not in the 'makes you think' way. Okay I must really stop using daft cliches. I found the rhythm well-accomplished and easy to sink into, overall making for an easy read. Good rhythm is my personal favourite thing in a poem anywho though. The opening line is spectacular, a poem by itself. Great job.


The Review Game, Poetry - Easy Fix
notveryalice chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
I randomly clicked your newest poem because I owed you a re-do from WCC like, forever ago, and I'm glad I did.


Even though the flow of the poem changed with its changeable form, I thought that it suited the topic well. It would make no sense to have a steady flow of words describing words that are mercurial and unreliable.


My absolute favourite image from this poem was at the very beginning: "the words of ancient days travel down forgotten ways/ on the breeze". When I first read it, I thought it referred to ancient myths or legends, but then as I continued to read I thought it might refer to the ancient words spoken in the narrator's relationship with the person she's speaking about. Either way, the image stayed with me and I liked it a lot. Your use of rhyme really strengthened it for me.


I truly enjoyed this poem even though I didn't know what every image meant - in this instance, it was OK. I didn't need to know, because an inner monologue like this doesn't necessarily need to be translatable into images another person can readily understand. Even though this image: "fingers sliding off the thread made of imagination and those teeny, tiny stars" evoked a very powerful mental image of a spidersilk thread and brilliant, shining droplets of water, I didn't know what it meant to the narrator, and to her(?) relationship.


I thought the relationship between the narrator and some other person was the subject, but she could easily be addressing people in general, and the nature of words - and the double interpretation of the poem is something I appreciate. It definitely contributed to my enjoyment of the piece.

-Word Play

Your use of inner rhyme in this poem seemed careful and well-executed. It strengthened the images you used it with, making them stand out, providing a framework for the lines in which you didn't use any rhyme.

I wasn't fond of your use of bold text, but I don't think it was an error in judgement or detrimental to the poem - it's just a personal preference of mine in poetry. I prefer that if a poet has an instance of a technique like bold or spacing or italics, that it remain consistent throughout the poem, and not just appear once... Although in this case, I can see why you did it - the word "listen" is important to the poem, and the line wouldn't make sense without the bold text.


I didn't get the anger that previous reviewers did. If anything, the narrator seemed contemplative, observant - she's trying not to be angry, trying not to emote - which is part of what I took from "I breathe in, breathe out". (Those lines serve another function for me, as a reader: they frame the poem, in the same way breath always frames words. They are part of the reason I interpreted the poem to be about speech as a human phenomenon.)

-Technical Aspects

As I've said, I think your use of inner rhyme is judicious in this poem. Sometimes I don't know why you end a line, apart from "it sounds good to end it there", but that's fine by me. I've only read very few poems in which the pure line structure conveys concrete meaning to the reader.


Given my weirdo interpretation of the poem, I felt the form suited it perfectly, as I've said above.


To sum: I liked this poem a lot. You have converted me to Dee.

Sorry about the lateness of this review. I was across the country for a week running my arse off. No excuse, I know! But I didn't do it for laziness' sake, I promise.


Devrich chapter 1 . 5/21/2010
Review Game

I like how you can read the poem with a different tone, ie. anger or with an upbeat touch, either way it makes for an interesting read, try it you'll see what I mean..

I also liked the vocabulary put into the piece, made it very enjoyable, even though I have no idea wtf a swindler is lol.

I couldn't really find anything I really didn't like about it.

Hope this is a good enough review for ya. Good job
Isca chapter 1 . 5/21/2010
"There's a swindler on my tongue." I applaud you simply for using the word "swindler" in a poem. Gotta love it. This is also a very poignant image.

I like the repetition of "I breathe in, breathe out." It definitely ties the piece together and adds a nice touch of realism to the subject.

"But still goes splat." This is very post-modern to me; the raindrop sings but still dies. Cool.

"I'm going. I'm gone." This is a nice little dose of temporal wit.
Then They call me M chapter 1 . 5/20/2010
breath in, breath out...

i think i like it