|Reviews for Dot Dot Dot Elipses|
| Robin Leigh chapter 1 . 10/23/2010
Ooh, this one is cool. I'd like to meet the speaker she seems cool. :D Keep writing. :D
| HannaThing chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
I feel really bad doing this review... but it was so un-enticing to me I couldn't make it to the end.
My first problem - The format. I know you said that it wasn't formatting the way you wanted it too since Fiction Press wasn't cooperating, but reading it, it looks like a paragraph you centered and put extra lines between different areas. It really doesn't flow and the idea are fragmented. I don't know if this is because your formatting didn't come through.
My second - The idea. I understand this is kind of talking about unrequited love. I get that, it sucks. And you love them, so it doesn't matter their smile isn't breath taking, that their eyes aren't beautiful, that they don't notice you and are kind of a jerk - Hey, wait! This has been done before. Lots of times before, in fact, the most known of which was a sonnet by Shakespeare. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're saying the same things as a lot of authors in a similar way, with a similar tone as well. (Oh, sigh, he doesn't love me, so I'll lash out and be angry.) I like the simple word choice, but this is just way too overdone.
I'm impressed with you though, that you tried a different format (God, all my poems look exactly the same...), the flow just isn't there. I like that you are doing a classic love poem, it just needs to have a little more energy and more you, not classic.
| MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
Nice. First I thought that it was the teacher saying all those things (for what reason I have no idea) but I did a double take as I neared the end. The constant refrains which can be summed up by the way she feels that - it is hopeless that he will ever notice her - makes the whole piece more believable. I liked it very much. :)
| Kackex chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
Your poem, story, drabble thing is well done. It think it's called a verese narrative, but I could be wrong. It's like second person angry letter at someone with a consistant tone and funny lines in there. My favorite is the 3rd paragraph. Overall the poem or narrative verse thing is sad and angry.
Keep writing, would you kindly,
| seredemia chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
I liked this! There were some strong paragraphs here! I especially loved the second paragraph about the sending chills up their spines... That line made me smile, the way you just wrote it was... sort of enchanting. I don't know, but I like the way you constructed your sentences and words. I loved the ending line too. I could sense that she was bitter and yet sad about it... Very emotional drabble, good job!
From The Roadhouse
| Broken Cross chapter 1 . 5/21/2010
Hello from the roadhouse! :D. Sorry about it being anonymous, FP won't let me login. T.T. Anyways, onto the review...
This was very excelelnt. The tone was carried on throughout the entire poem and you used very unique words and phrases that just made it awesome! :D. And yeah, FP sometimes screws up the formatting so I can understand that. :3.
Anyways, awesome job! Keep on writing!
P.S. Can you please payback via Rise From The Ashes? And please, not on the prologue. I've got like...572080 reviews on that. Thanks! :D