Reviews for Journey's Double
Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 7/4/2010
"Time is mother's change." What a wonderful ending to this piece.

This was just wonderfully written, I very much enjoyed reading it :)
dreamergurl-02 chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
Flow: I think it got a little confusing with the POV's, you started it with third person [Two walk...] but suddenly you switched to second person without any warning [as you hold...]

Description/images: I liked the image you tried to give, I loved the distant feeling of the past.

Subject: I liked how you wrote about a subject that is very realistic. People do tend to change and many are dwell on this by comparing present to past.

Punctuation/Grammar: I would have liked it better if you had a comma between remember and as on the second line. I think it would have flowed better.

I love how short and to the point your poem was. Keep on writing!

from the review game
in theory chapter 1 . 6/3/2010
I felt that this could have been longer, although I did feel the final sentence was the perfect end. However, it seems ambiguous...do you mean that your mother changes only with time, or (as I felt) that time births change. The latter is what I connected with. If I have misinterpreted then my bad, but if not it should be reconstructed as "Time mother's change" or "Time is change's mother" etc.

I like the opening line too, it reminds me of Frost. Having said that, to cut it at 'forgotten' doesn't seem to click. There should be a pause after 'road', ideally with a comma, to inject a little clarity. At first glance it's a bit convoluted.

Maybe just me nitpicking, and it's a well-written piece otherwise.

Jack
lili999 chapter 1 . 5/29/2010
hi !

Cheap retail shoes watch, sunglasses, belt, hats/caps, High quality T-shirts,

ED hardy t-shirts,ED Hardy hoodies,ED hardy ,Jeans,GUCCI shoes,LV Handbag,Chanel

Handbag…high quality,low to
Sarah A. W chapter 1 . 5/24/2010
Two walk a road only the forgotten

Can care to remember...

Creative! I love how you wrote this, it has a very

deep meaning into it.
Keree chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
NOW THAT IS THUTH!
Isca chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
"Time is mother's change." I like the angsty tone of this line - it adds depth to the temporal theme. I also like this final line the best for its abrupt wisdom; it's refreshing in its connection between birth and death.

[The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix]
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
I love how the majority of this is one sentence. It makes it flow well and gives it a reflective feel.

"a road only the forgotten care to remember" Nice wording!

"as you hold/onto a memory of another time/when I was not the person that I/care to be" Interesting. This seems like something that the speaker would be reflecting on, but I like how the "you" is the one thinking it.