|Reviews for Watch the Sky|
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
Very nice. This is very character driven, and I liked how you didn't describe anything but the narrator's thoughts, yet it was still very poignant and charming.
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
What a beautiful piece! Your word choice was amazing, and the phrases you put together swept me off my feet. Favorites: 'set the sky on fire', 'catch the embers in his palm', 'take a big gulp of wind', ;watch the sky as it burns', another shot of wind'.
...so basically the entire poem. XD
Also, I adored the subject of the poem. Who can't relate with the thrill of life?
| qubed chapter 1 . 6/19/2010
this poem explains me very well.
| in the still of the night chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
You know, you said you're a bad writer. But you're definitly not. This piece is so great! I love "He wants to watch the sky as it turns black and blue and silver while he takes another shot of wind."! Gorgeous! Please keep writing! : )
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 5/26/2010
LOVED the beginning. Very catchy and full of precise imagery. There's nothing else really to say here, besides that you are very good at writing poetry.
P.S. Can you payback via RFTA? Thanks! :D
| Isca chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
[Thank you for reviewing 'The Fox and the Rabbit.']
"He wants to set the sky on fire." I like that [it reminds me of Apollo and his chariot].
"Dancing with leaves." This 'ashes' imagery is VERY powerful.
"He wants to forget, to get away." I think that's a feelin we all experience at some point or another; we want to run away and get away from it all.
Keep writing. :)
| Alegra Rose chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
The poem is calming in a way and emphasies the passing of time well.
| lipleaf chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
Overall, this was a decent poem. I enjoyed some of the imagery you had going on here, like the sky burning. The simple way it was described made it easy to imagine the scene clearly. I think your biggest issue here is the flow. The poem feels stunted and choppy, almost as if the writer is stuttering. You lack punctuation, both comas and periods, which can work in some poems, but detracts from this piece. Also, the places where you choose to break off lines are awkward and don't fit. It's like inserting random pauses into your speech. I think adding punctuation would greatly improve this poem.
| When the Storm Ends chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
'Ashes falling floating Dancing with leaves All around him Raindrops a cool shock On his skin'
This was refreshing. It's nice to see someone with such great potential, able to affect my emotions like this. Really, please, keep this up. It's fantastic.
I like the song too. (Something Corporate is my favorite band)