Reviews for Nightfall
Anonymous Soul chapter 2 . 5/2/2011
The main character mentions his dislike towards mediocrity.

I think that's why he's so drawn to her.

She's exciting to him. New. She's spontaneous and unpredictable, which, from the sound of things, isn't what he's used to.

She's his escape.

I already find myself worrying about him, though.

His infatuation for her isn't mutual, at least it doesn't seem to be. His dependency on her is dangerous. I can already sense it, which I'm sure is exactly what you intended.

It's like he's falling in love with what he knows will only end in tragedy, but he can't help himself.

Haha, maybe that's just the fatalist in me talking

I guess I'll have to read on and see.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 4 . 5/2/2011
Great to see more of this. Again, the writing is beautifully elegant and really draws the reader in. I really liked "eyes bulging with a redness that would've put blooming roses to shame." A great line. "And that is when the lights turn on" also stands out, but not for the right reasons; it reads a little awkwardly, maybe "And that was when"? Anyway, great stuff.
Anonymous Soul chapter 1 . 4/30/2011
He calls it salvation.

Yet he seems to sense that it/she will be his unravelling.

Perhaps they're both the same to him.

Either way, I think, somehow, that he'd already made the choice the moment he laid eyes on her.

I wonder.

He's obviously already enamored by her.

But who is she to him, really?

Or maybe the better question is 'what'.

"I also alredy knew that come morning she'd be nothing but dust n' bones"...

I can't escape the sense that her fate is already sealed.

She rejects reality. I think that's what he will be for her. An escape from reality. He'll lose himself in her. But by doing so, his existence will become inevitably intertwined with her own.

Which is a problem, I think. Her reckless abandon is indicative of an indifference towards life and existence in general.

I'm getting ahead of myself, I think. Either way, its 4 in the morning, so I'm going to stop now since I'm probably not making any sense anyways. I'll be back to read more later, though.
crocodile chapter 4 . 4/28/2011
oh my goodness

this is the kind of broken-yet-understandable imagery i wish i could master. i've never read a first-person perspective that i fell into so fast.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 3 . 6/20/2010
The change in the two characters, from them being high to the comedown, is shown really well, quite subtle and I like the way it's shown more in her than in him. The last lines of dialogue were perfect, more kind of grounded in reality than before, and again the building relationship is beautifully written. Am loving this; keep it up.
Isca chapter 3 . 6/18/2010
"Elena would tug at parts of my body." I like the idea that the speaker is 'lead' by someone; she's a 'follower' when it comes to love.

"We were sitting on the curb when I realized this." I like the tone of this line - it ties the first part of the piece together nicely.

"The answer, it was so obvious." Hah. I love that the speaker has been oblivious to this realization all along but the tone of this line is so bold.

"There was a buzzing sound in my ears." I like this ending; it relates back to the 'bird chirping' so wonderfully. I think that's my favourite part of this entry, the 'sounds.'
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 6/7/2010
I can't get over how beautiful your writing is. The relationship between the two characters is shown so well, and I like how he seems to be falling for her while she seems jaded and seperate from other people, almost like she can't really connect yet almost wants to. And not everything they say is written in the dialogue - overall, it's written really well.
Isca chapter 2 . 6/2/2010
"Does it matter? No, not really." I love this little inclusion of thoughts; it's simple, yet very striking.

"My legs started running too." I like the idea here that the speaker's mind was trying to catch up, but then her legs realized they had to start moving too.

"You're waking up." Brilliant.

A very stream-of-conscious, abstract, coming-of-age piece; it's so versatile and interesting. Good work!
Isca chapter 1 . 5/26/2010
"I found her in the middle of the night." This is a perfect opening line; it's both interesting and intriguing.

"Reaching for something in the horizon." Whoa. Holy shit. This line hit me so hard. I can't even-.

"Boy." I LOVE the tone of this word; it's brilliant!

"That's Adam." Captivating.

As a previous reviewer said, I was skeptical of reading this for some reason too [perhaps it was the formatting]. But, I'm glad that I did. My only suggestion would be to format it in paragraphs.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 5/26/2010
Beautiful. As always with your work, I really like the formatting. It's different and enchanting. You created a really vivid picture with this, and the language was really elegantly written.
NoRoadsLeft chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
i love this. it's melancholic, dark and beautifully written, and i really like how you start with describing their first meeting. i love the girl. she's almost...magical. i can't wait 'til you describe more of her human sides. you write wonderfully. it's really beautiful, and the boy is so...average, although still so desperate for something more. i can really relate, and the last few lines just have me aching for more.

i can't wait to see where you take this.
xoxoScandalous chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
Wow, at first I was sort of skeptical reading this for some reason,

but I'm glad you proved me wrong with your wonderful writing.

The character's voice is strong and identifiable.

Amazing job, keep it up.
cassandove chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
This is beautiful, Raquel. Your writing never ceases to amaze me.