|Reviews for A Passing Storm|
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
Opening- You really have a way with writing animals so I wasn't surprised you started with one, but I like it because you do such a fantastic job. I liked the poetic bit of the "scratch scratch scratch" of the cat at the door-the onomatopoeia worked well for the first paragraph.
Characters- I liked our narrator, especially the protectiveness over her younger sister. I also liked how you wove in the background information pertaining to her relationship with her father and the illness. It all worked quite well to illuminate her character further by the end.
Setting- Unique setting with the unfinished basement, it's a setting I haven't seen used before but I think it's relatable, I could picture it really well. You did a good job setting everything up in this story, nothing was really left untouched or un-developed and the use of the setting, especially in the relation to the animals and her own memories, made for a great scene.
Ending- I liked the ending because everything felt like it came full circle. It was a bittersweet ending and I liked that too, not too happy, not too sad given the subject, it made it very lovely, great moment on the couch.
It's been a month since... [Typo, this needs to be in its own paragraph]
| wisedec4u chapter 1 . 10/15/2010
The good: Your detail is wonderful and puts me right in the moment. I loved the interaction between the older and younger siblings. I could truly relate to your characters and the ordeal they were going through with their father being in hospice with brain cancer. I've several people I love to cancer and can remember the feeling of helplessness, restless nights in the hospital, and the nightmares. My son behaved the same way the younger sibling in the story did. Your reasoning about her not knowing how to reach out was very perceptive. I also love you using the passing storm as a metaphor for what the emotional turmoil the family was experiencing dealing with their father's illness. Nicely done.
The bad (sort of): In the beginning, I was a little put off by your sentence structure. The sentences were too long or too short and choppy. I would suggest finding ways to break up some of these long sentences so that your paragraphs flow better. Also, there were times where you bogged the reader down with too much unnecessary detail which made me tempted to skip ahead, but didn't because the characters were so engrossing.
Overall, I thought it was wonderfully sensitive and thought provoking story and you are definitely a good writer.
| Melancholic Serendipity chapter 1 . 10/14/2010
The entire story seems more like a string of short facts than a story, you don't really seem to have a balance of long and short sentences, the short sentences seem to be 70% of the story, and that makes it a bit choppy and dull to read.
"The tabby cat stalks over to investigate; I pat the sofa cushion beside me and she hops up to settle, purring, on my belly." - This line stuck out to me as odd, I think the sentence could be stated differently so that it would sound better.
I think the way you describe things could be a little more in depth, I can't really visualize the situation completely and it doesn't really feel like I'm there.
| Eva Rieycoit chapter 1 . 6/6/2010
I love the flashbacks you used because it really gives readers a broader perspective of the story! Well done! :) I also like the way you described the cats' scratching (occasional yowl and scratch scratch scratch) because it's realistic and feels... somewhat surreal to me. I dunno if that makes sense, but I'm hoping it does.
| Raven-Illeen Saint Claire chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
It's beautiful. I love it! Very emotional, and lyrically written. I especially love little bits and pieces about the cats. It all seems very real. Like you are in the story. I can practically hear the thunder and radio announcements. Good job. Keep writing!