|Reviews for Kuekuatsu Vol 1: The Fate of a Lycanthrope(old version)|
| World Theorist chapter 1 . 11/15/2010
Great start. The story begins with an action-packed beginning, and catches you by surprise. To tell the truth I wasn't expecting the initial scene to be a dream, and I definitely didn't expect to read about actual peaceful werewolves, a family of them at that. I like how the chapter goes from a segment of violence, to a calm one, and right back.
If there's any real errors that should be noted I would have to say it is when you describe actions in both the past tense AND present tense both at once. For instance, right at the first paragraph, some of the actions are noted in present tense, such as "he closes his eyes" or, "the girls red hair flows gracefully with the winds current" when used in the scene that I'm supposing is in the past tense, since it's a dream that occurred. Besides that this is a really good start to the volume; I look forward to reading further!
| Writing-Is-Fun chapter 1 . 10/16/2010
Werewolves are okay and all, but this first chapter feels too long. I don't like long chapters sometimes they put me to sleep.
| The lone canine chapter 21 . 10/3/2010
Definitely this was the best fight scene, the best chapter by far. It was really well written and after reading this chapter I can only wait for the second Volume because, Kuekuatsu is alive! I am so happy right now. I really enjoyed this. Great job. :)
| Cole Culain chapter 21 . 10/3/2010
Congratulations on finishing Volume 1. This was a phenomenal chapter. You have come such a long way from the grammatical minefield the first chapter was. Really, the only grammar errors I picked up were pretty much just your writing style, the little quirks you have that make the writing uniquely yours.
The one thing I feel deserves mention is that a few times you wrote down two words separated by a slash, like robe/cloak or green/black, as though you couldn't decide which to use. Maybe it was intentional, I don't know, but just something to note.
I truly had goosebumps reading this. A clash between gods is always an awesome thing to read, especially when it is written as well as this! Awesome chapter, really. I hope this is what the rest of the story will like, because I am loving what I see.
Now, I can't remember exactly if I subscribed to you specifically or just your story, so could you send me a PM when the first chapter of the next volume comes out? Just to be safe.
The future is bright, Spriggs. Keep on writing, and I'll be right there, fingers poised over the review button.
| Cole Culain chapter 20 . 10/2/2010
Hm. I find this chapter less satisfying than the previous one. I understand you are setting the stage, but with only one chapter left... this is risky.
Now, the conversation between Ellinia and azalie is a little forced. The dialouge is choppy, and seems to formal. I thought these two were friends, and yet they are speaking in such a way you would think that Ellinia is the Great and Terrible Empress of Everything That Breathes. But she's not.
As for a name of this chapter... how about "Stirrings of Tomorrow"?
Anyway, I feel like this left a lot open at the end. I also feel like you should end vol 1 with scarlet, but unfortunately, this could be problematic because of the awkward ending here. I'm leaving this up to your better judgment, because I can see how far you've come as a writer. You seem to know what you are doing, so I can't wait until the next chapter comes out.
| Cole Culain chapter 19 . 10/2/2010
Okay, so the first thing I want to say is this. You always start your chapters with the first paragraph in present tense, then switch to past tense for the remainder. I don't know if this is intentional or what, just make sure you are aware of it.
A few other grammar fixes are that you used breath, when it should have been breathe. Breathe means... yeah, breathe (as in the verb), while breath is the noun form. Also, this happened a few times, you referred to the Yetis in plural as Yeti's. The apostrophe denotes a possessive or the conjunction "yeti is". So unless you are saying "the yeti's claw" or "the yeti's going to kill him" etc, don't use the apostrophe. Also, there is a part that reads '"What does he know?" His growl was close to sounding like a roar.' I tend to think of a growl and a roar as very different, but it's up to you on what you want to do.
Now, grammar bitchiness aside, this was a good chapter. You could really feel the emotion here, and I like the development of Axel and Larvitz's characters. You seem to be cementing Larvitz's persona a bit better, and Axel is becoming more than just "grr-alpha-male-father-grr". Good luck with these next few chapters. I'll help as far as I am able.
| The lone canine chapter 20 . 10/1/2010
I wonder who the REAL enemy is. Who is the traitor? The assassin but who's orders are they following? All these questions rack my brain right now and makes me want to read more. Really great chapter. Great job and with the finale of Vol. 1 next, anything can happen. _
| The lone canine chapter 19 . 9/30/2010
*Sniff* Poor wolf...this chapter was reaally sad but I did like it because it was really well done and the characters emotions were great. Write more soon, two chapters to go!
| Cole Culain chapter 18 . 9/15/2010
Hm. Rough, very rough. The potential is here, but we need to pull back these layers of sand paper.
The first thing I need to remark on is punctuation. You started to get it towards the end, but it still needs a lot of work. Now, keep in mind that at the end of every bit of dialogue, there needs to be a punctuation mark, be it comma, period, question mark, exclamation point or ellipsis. Also, when saying "he said" "she said" etc., you don't have to capitalize he or she, unless it is a separate phrase (for example: "What? There's no way that I'm—AGGH!" Kenji groaned in pain and fell over on his side." You could have used "he" instead of "kenji" here).
Now, your description of astral projection reads as such: "Astral projection can occur by accident in two ways. First, the person must be in a deep trance or sleep. Second, the person must be unconscious or in a coma". These two are almost exactly the same. Sleep, coma, trance and unconsciousness are all different stages of sleep, just with varying degrees of mind activity.
That's about all I got, but one last thing. Just because I'm not nagging you about commas anymore, doesn't mean you can get lax with them. I'd rather see you spam the commas all over the place than not use them. When in doubt, put a comma.
| Cole Culain chapter 17 . 9/7/2010
Hey, great a new chapter. I totally understand how you're feeling right now. As much as I'd love to keep churning out Blazing Heart, it's tough with school, AP homework, regular homework and cross country practice. Take your time, and don't sacrifice quality for quantity or speed. Set deadlines, but make them realistic. Don't say you're going to finish the next chapter in a week, even though you know you're going to have a ton of homework. It works for me XD
Now, onto the chapter. Larvitz seems to have a... forced personality. Like, the comedic exterior seems to fake, almost poser-y. Unless he has some sort of deeply rooted inner turmoil and puts on a facade to show the world, like Lexa in Blazing Heart, try to avoid this. But even if I hit the nail on the head, please, please, at least make it believable.
Also, you are guilty of STBFO, stating the bloody freaking obvious. You need to use the tactic of show, don't tell a lot more. Often times, you have something fairly simple happen, and then someone explains the exact same thing, where it's not necessary. Save the explanations for things like backstory, settings, and unique, hard to understand concepts like magic.
But really, it was a good chapter. I like how some of these plot threads are coming together, at last.
| The lone canine chapter 17 . 9/7/2010
Don't worry, I didn't think it was a bad chapter. Faster than usual, but it's understandable, what with more good stuff on the way and school in progress for lots of people. I still enjoyed this one nevertheles. Nice!
| Cole Culain chapter 16 . 8/23/2010
Wow, this changed my view of Scarlet. A lot. I'd started to think of her as more of the academic heroine, providing intel and support for Katsu, but now I can see that she's holding her own very well.
You're using commas much better now, it really helps the story's flow. The grammar fixes are pretty minor. Go back in a week or so for about five or ten minutes, and I'm sure you can find them yourself.
Now, I have several questions. First, Scarlet's really badass this chapter, and using a lot of cool offensive magic. I know the gray lycan was rendering her magic long range void in her fight with him, but in this chapter she makes weapons out of fire in a way similar to what I picture Lucian doing with his shadow. So why couldn't she have made a fire sword or whip or bow or whatever and use that against the lycan? Is it some magical reason, or that you hadn't thought of using her magic that way yet?
Question two. Does magic drain the caster physically? I only wonder this because in many other books and stories, magic causes the caster strain, and the more stamina they have, the more magic they can do. Does Scarlet just have really good stamina, or is this like Harry Potter magic, where there is no drain on the caster? If you have yet to figure this out, now would be a good time to.
Third and final question. How far along do you see yourself in this story? Are you a quarter done? Halfway done? I notice the "vol 1" in the title, so obviously there will be several installments. I just wonder where you see yourself at.
| Cole Culain chapter 15 . 8/22/2010
So I'm guessing this chapter takes place before the yeti fight?
It's a good chapter, and clears some stuff up. You had some minor grammar fixes and whatever, but I feel like I focus too much on those...
The plot is coming along nicely, though I'm not sure if I know who Lord Kuronous is, or even if I'm supposed to know. In an upcoming future chapter, you should address this.
| The lone canine chapter 16 . 8/21/2010
I sure enjoyed this chapter a lot. Ouch though, passing out after completing and passing a final exam? That must suck for Scarlet. Great chapter, I loved this one a lot.
| Cole Culain chapter 14 . 8/20/2010
Wow, this chapter is awesome. Definitely your best work. I'm very happy to see your progress from chapter 1 to now, and hope to continue to help you along your way. just one more chapter to go, and I'm all caught up.
Now, I'm going to tell you something I believe I've said before. When a new person talks, then you start a new paragraph. For example, if Axel, Ketsu, and Keiko are all talking, then each time someone says something new, a new paragraph starts. This makes the story much easier to read.
Now, okay, I really don't know what you're talking about, saying you don't know how to write action scenes. The hunt scene, the yeti fight and the fight with the elven assassin are some of the best scenes in this story so far. I was completely engrossed. I feel like sometimes you become lost in your dialogue or descriptions, and they run on and on. Each action in the fight scenes is perfectly placed and really quite awesome. I see a lot of talent here, and I'd be happy to help you hone it. Just say the word and I'll be there.