|Reviews for Kuekuatsu Vol 1: The Fate of a Lycanthrope(old version)|
| HeroofEnelios chapter 9 . 8/17/2010
The headmaster is, casual I guess one would say? He's an interesting character at that. I wonder what'll happen next. Great job and chapter!
| HeroofEnelios chapter 8 . 8/17/2010
Eh heh heh heh...Kuekuatsu needs to learn when to keep his mouth closed or he's going to keep getting hit. Great chapter with explained how magic is used, accessed, manipulated, Etc.
| HeroofEnelios chapter 7 . 8/17/2010
When Axel said "I happened", that would make anyone nervous because that almost immediately gives someone the impression that the Werewolf was defeated permenantly. It would make anyone nervous. Great chapter!
| HeroofEnelios chapter 6 . 8/17/2010
Well, the evil Werewolf is now defeated. Just goes to show don't mess with a family of Werewolves, or it'll come back to haunt you. Great chapter again, I'm enjoying this.
| HeroofEnelios chapter 5 . 8/17/2010
This just keeps getting better and better with each chapter. Scarlet sure knows how to tell her own Professor that she needs her help. Great chapter! :)#
| HeroofEnelios chapter 4 . 8/17/2010
Wow. That very evil Werewolf is persistent. Like obsessed almost. Eugh, I wouldn't want to put up with him too long. Another great chapter.
| HeroofEnelios chapter 3 . 8/17/2010
I have one thing to say and one thing only. Fight scens rule, especially the one in this chapter. I liked this one a lot. Great chapter!
| HeroofEnelios chapter 2 . 8/17/2010
So Scarlets her name huh? I don't see that name very often for some reason. Great chapter, and I liked the shift from the main male character to Scarlet. Great job!
| HeroofEnelios chapter 1 . 8/17/2010
Wow. I thouroughly enjoyed this first chapter a whole lot. I really enjoyed the character interaction. A really good first chapter.
| Cole Culain chapter 4 . 7/31/2010
Okay. Good ending here. Unfortunately this is the last chapter I can review for now. But if I find a wifi signal on my trip, I'll try to review another one or two.
My first big thing is the gray werewolf needs a name. If he still doesn't have one by the chapter you are currently writing, give him one. He's in the story enough to merit at least a name and a teensy bit of back story.
Now, many parts of this chapter seem odd. The biggest is Ketsu randomly stopping to ponder a deep philosophical question. If this pause in the fight was really necessary, then fine, but if not, then you could have had a small part of his brain pondering it, while another part focused on the fight.
Your tenses get confused around here as well.
Now, the voice is a bit of a paradox. For one, it needs to be fleshed out a little more, even if only to give it more of an enigma. Also, it's ordering Katsu around, yet telling him he has free will. Conflicting viewpoints much?
One last remark before I leave you to your own devices for a while. Geez, Katsu passes out a lot.
| Cole Culain chapter 3 . 7/31/2010
okay, another good chapter. This one really fleshed out your characters a little more, and that's good. We're at the point right now where we should feel something if a meteorite randomly dropped out of the sky and killed a character.
Now, one thing that's been bugging me. The setting. I can't tell if this takes place on our Earth, where the societies of werewolves and magic users are reclusive, like harry potter, or another world entirely. I assume it takes place in the present day, because of the usage of modern slang. But the location is something I've been wondering about. The werewolves have very traditional Japanese and Oriental names and customs, for example Katsu's mother wears a kimono, whereas the magic users have a very modern, American or European society. Just something I wonder about, cuz I'm weird like that.
Now, as a bit of a side note, Scarlet's name is awesome. It sounds a little like my main character, as you will see when you read it.
Now, for some grammar fixes. I'll stop ragging on commas for now. But when you use dialogue, and follow it by a pronoun (he, she, etc.) use a lower case, so it's not 'He said', but rather 'he said'. When talking about the werewolf canceling magic, you used nullified way too many times. I advise using the thesaurus tool on microsoft word. That, and a few little errors in sentence structure are my only complaints. I recommend doing what I do. For your own benefit, re-read the chapter a few weeks after writing/posting it. You will see errors you weren't aware of at the time of writing. It helps, trust me.
Now for a minor critique on the plot. The relationship between Scarlet and Ketsu is too comfortable. For two people who just met, they seem like old friends. A bit more anxiety and discomfort would make this more believable.
| Cole Culain chapter 2 . 7/31/2010
Well, a good way to introduce Scarlet. Now we have both of your main characters. That's good. I'm happy to say I'm impressed the way you did it. It's really very good.
Many of my criticisms are the same as the previous review. Commas, commas, commas! Really, these are important. I also noticed some capitalization issues. When you refer to a parent as Mom or Dad, or Mother or Father, etc. So if you use the proper noun, use the upper case. Use lower case if you say my mom, or my dad.
Your tenses are a bit odd as well. You switch from past to present and back again several times this chapter. Try not to do that, it only confuses people.
You seem to write in a blunt style. Nothing wrong with that, but it can get a bit boring. I mean, come on "Ruby and Evan complimented their mother's cooking as well." Really? I'm sure you could have figured out a better way to put it than that.
A minor grammar fix: In Ruby's graduation message, you put two "o"s in so. I'm not sure if that was intentional or not.
If it sounds like I'm being overly critical, that's not the stance I want to take. However, I feel like I need to help you set the bedrock and foundation here first. For example: Scarlet's powers seem really cool, but you haven't developed them yet. You haven't even told us her magic major. I'm thinking maybe forest or wood magic, but maybe I'm wrong. Still, it would be good to establish that.
| Cole Culain chapter 1 . 7/31/2010
Hey Spriggs. I'm going to try and review as much of this as I can today. It's not bad, but a little bit unpolished.
Okay, first off, the beginning, where you said his wolf-like ears twitched or something, that's really doing it bluntly, you know? It's good you were showing, but not telling, but that was just shoving it down the throat of the reader. That really bugged me until you explained it away later.
On a more grammatical note, you are missing some commas in some really obvious places, and your capital usage is weird. You have random caps in the middle of a sentence. And when someone finishes speaking, end it with either a punctuation mark or comma, okay? You also should use it when there is an interrupter. For example, "Ketsu, are you coming?" as opposed to "Ketsu are you coming?" The comma denotes a pause, and makes the sentence flow better.
Now, some more stuff. Ketsu (his real name is kinda long. I'm just going to use the nickname from now on) did some strange things this chapter. The first is asking his father when his trial date was. This seems to be an important date in his life, something he'd remember. The other is walking off into the woods alone, just like in his dream, when his family seemed to think of it as a bad omen.
Your fight scene with the older werewolf got kind of dull, so I skimmed portions of it. It seemed repetitive, each one basically attacking then defending. While this is important, try to spice it up a little.
On the whole, not a bad chapter. I see a lot of potential here. I hope to see improvement in future chapters.
Oh, and by the way. The names are totally badass. ;)
| SkinandBones chapter 6 . 7/19/2010
Soo good...need sleep...NO! Read...more..story...too good to read later...keep it up please...
| lili999 chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
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