|Reviews for Copilot|
| Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 6/8/2010
I like this. I did have to read it out loud though to get a feel for the language – which reminded me a bit of Firefly, although that might just have been the whole trapped in a tin can in space thing.
Also liked the sinister 1984 undercurrents of totalitarian company that recycles people that don’t fit. Shudder. And the idea that they have this hip that does everything and they’re being paid to sit there and flip a switch.
It felt like you’d put a lot of thought into how everything worked too – and the idea of people painting lines to stop other ships falling into space is wonderfully zany. Even if it is tempered with the scarier aspects of it.
Lovely imagery too in some places. The bit about space and stars stood out, and the entire paragraph with the description if the man who went over the line and never came back. The alliteration of the recollect, ruminate was good too.
I was kind of glad when he went crazy though. I think any longer and I would have started thinking about jumping out the airlock. That could be a bad thing as it meant my attention was wondering, or a good thing as it means you captured the claustrophobic atmosphere of the rig really well. Not sure which it was. Although there were some moments that made it feel really oppressive (the window being blacked out for certain) where you kind of have that ominous horror movie feeling, like when the Jaws theme tune comes on. The man sure do like to talk though. The choice of the accent was good: it made him sound more, urm, earthy, ironically. And the sort of person who may not have a lot of education but does think a lot, although like he says, it is only about the things he’s supposed to. Like it’s a special kind of stupid that just keeps ticking along until all the frustration does burst out and go crazy. Which I guess is why he keeps talking.
Good opening too, the way you drew us into the world and gradually set the story up. I’m not sure about the breaking point though. I do get the feeling that the narrator is gradually trailing off into silence. And the silence feels important because it feels like a pressure cooker and as soon as he’ll stop talking, he’ll start thinking and then the space outside will hit him. I know it’s hard to convey silence when you’ve got a first person, present tense narrator, but urm, maybe; ‘But nah. That's crazy talk, right?
And maybe break up some of the later sentences a bit more. It feels like ‘There's months left to go a'fore we hit stopover number one.’ Should be arranged so it has more weight to it. Does that make sense? It’s just a personal thing though, so feel free to ignore me.
The bit at the end was quite chilling too. Liked the official spiel of ‘acceptable losses’
| Gathering Crows chapter 1 . 5/27/2010
Oh, I see what you meant about it getting dark. I loved the voices though, and the little indirect hints at what exactly there were doing out there in their rigs. Nicely done.