|Reviews for Dependent On You and Your Memories|
| Alice Novak chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
That was so sweet! And honest! Which makes it twice as good!
I loved how silver plays an important role in this poem, it makes this very beautiful.
However, I think you should structure it a bit better.
It's kinda all over the place right now.
I still love it!
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/16/2010
I liked this. It was honest and to the point, yet beautiful at the same time. I liked the part silver played in the piece; it gave the text a sort of surreal feeling. And it was original. I mean, how many peoples' favorite colour is silver? Very cool.
| Hopeless Fantasy chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
*Applause* and *Standing Ovation*
If I were to describe it in one word: Awesome.
No, wait, one owrd isn't enough to describe it.
I'll say it in two words: Awesomely amazing.
| Vernelley chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
You created a good feeling for this poem. I get this sense of loss and regret (but since I fail I might be interpreting it wrongly, haha P ) And the use of 'silver' is interesting too, especially with 'stained'. Nice effect.
| Vroooommmmmm chapter 1 . 6/2/2010
well thats a good poem...nice lines got me completely hooked even though i dont read poems much...but I must tell you dont use high vocabulary in poems...for example surrealistic might be just cut to surreal...high vocab is a boon but in poems they can be your enemy...but...then otherwise...the poem is really great...especially the silver line...:)
nothing else feels tangible or right...
use any one. coz somehow this line doesn't feel right to me...again my opinion
| Robin Leigh chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
Lovely poem! My favorite part was [Silver was my favorite color, once.
Forever ago it seems, that I
Saw the broken promises
Glow in your silver eyes.] I'm so hopelessly romantic at times. It's raining here right now, and it's the perfect weather to read poems and stories, especially sad ones. You're a very good poet! Reminds me of my former crush. O_o :))
| HoodedStellaish chapter 1 . 5/30/2010
My reviews have been getting cut off, so let me know if that happens! I have the review on a document and can get it to you by PM.
Wow. As soon as you mentioned the color silver I was taken completely by the poem. Personally, I don't like poems, but this one... *sighs* I could just picture sparkles bouncing off her as "she" (well you) spoke. It was very, very good!
As I read this, I was listening to the song "To Build A Home" by The Cinematic Orchestra. It worked so well with the feeling of the poem so it really brought it to life for me. I don't know why I told you that, but ok!
| Creeping Collarbones chapter 1 . 5/29/2010
It howls and cries; a constant white noise— I love how that sounds aloud. It flows really nicely.
Lying on a blanket of grass,
Drenched with moonlight.- Nice imagery.
They call stars, burning up and eventually
Dying off, one by one.- Oh, how I love anything to do with stars.
This was a great poem. The last two lines were powerful. Great job(:
| Devil's Playground chapter 1 . 5/29/2010
Alright! I'm gonna do my best, but just to warn you, I'm not very good at critiquing poetry.
I've always had a tendency towards really short poetry, but I didn't mind the length for this one. It was a unique idea, and there were some really beautiful lines in it. I particularly liked these lines:
"I sigh, and the wind answers" - Aah, just gorgeous. Such a pretty line.
"Drenched with moonlight." - Beautiful imagery.
"Mirrored by milky shade of the stars." - The alliteration here makes it sound so cool.
I think the word choice could be improved in some places. As I said, I really like short poetry, so this is all just a personal preference, but I think that cutting out unnecessary words would bring more attention to the really powerful ones. For example:
"nothing else feels tangible or right." - I love 'tangible,' it changes the cliche of 'nothing feels right.' So I think you should cut out the 'right' and just leave it at tangible.
Some other lines I think could be improved:
"It makes me look surrealistic" - I think you should change 'surrealistic' to just 'surreal'.
"Everything has been a lie…" - I think that this line is kind of cliche. The idea has been stated in a less outright way throughout most of the poem, so in my opinion it was pretty weak for the final line. I think you could cut it out and leave 'That once cradled my heart' as the final line.
Another thing I think you could play with is line breaks. Most of the breaks throughout this are pretty general and expected. I think you could use some more unconventional breaks to put emphasis on important words and change up the style to something a little more original.
Overall, I really liked this. I can't write long poetry like this at all, so kudos to you! :)