|Reviews for Urban Warfare|
| Ioga chapter 1 . 11/10/2011
On this one, I spotted a fluctuation between present and paśt tense. It looks off, but in a way that suggests you're actively going for some kind of an effect with it rather than forgetting what time you're writing in.
"Silent battle cries, overlapped by fierce cover fire, erupt as soldiers surged forward, overrunning (...)" - this sentence was maybe a bit heavy to parse.
"With a roar, the wind was crushed out of the street as chips of wood and stone thudded into heavy (...)" I had trouble visualizing this. A roar to me would suggest a more steady sound, like a landing jet plane, but the effects look like an explosive, which would presumably go some type of BOOM and be done with it. Unless it was some kind of series of explosions?
Otherwise, a nice, intense piece. Thanks for this!
| Let Them Eat Cake chapter 1 . 6/4/2010
That was emotionally difficult to read, but it was incredible. You really captured what our men and women do everyday in such a foreign world: their pain, their bravery, their fear. While it wasn't an extremely visual piece, you could feel yourself amongst the Afghani towns and landscape. You are passionate about showing what is TRULY going on in this war, not what the media is portraying. And you did an amazing job of doing so.
Wonderful job. Semper Fi.
(And if this changes anything for you on who I viewed this, my grandfather was a Marine as well. Also, I am Arab. While Arabs and Afghans are different, you might get a little idea of what this war means to me as well.)